My pants are baggy because your pants are baggy

baggy_pants-11As I write this, I’m wearing XXL basketball shorts. They’re super baggy, white, with purple trim. They look ridiculous, and the wife is sorta semi-embarrassed when I wear them.

That said, I have a great reason: They’re crazy comfortable.

Having one’s pants drooping below underwear (faaaaaar below underwear), however, is not crazy comfortable. Not even close to crazy comfortable. Go ahead, take a minute away from this blog and try it. Zip open your jeans or shorts and have them sag down your ass. Feels awful, right?

There are many racists out there who see saggy jeans and think, “Uh-oh, dangerous black thug. I need to lock the car.” This is not me—at all. I see saggy jeans and think (black, white, Asian, whatever), “You are a fucking sheep. Bah, bah, bah …”

Why? Because saggy jeans make absolutely no logical sense, outside of one’s sheep-like tendencies. They’re insanely uncomfortable, they show the rear of your underwear (and, often, your hairy ass crackus), they deem you (like the neck tattoo) pretty much unemployable. So why do so many young people wear XXXXXL jeans hanging beneath their tighties? Answer: Because so many young people wear XXXXXL jeans hanging beneath their tighties. It’s a disease—call it, “I need to conform-itis.” Or, as Soul Asylum wisely sang, “Nothing draws a crowd, like a crowd.”

The exact same modern phenomenon can be seen in the sticker-remaining-on-the-baseball-cap thing. Quite literally, stickers are made to be removed from hats. Hell, that’s why they’re stickers, and not sewn-on labels. And yet, people keep the stickers affixed. I’ve asked, myriad times, why one would do this, and the answer pretty much comes down to, “Um.” Yup—”Um.”

Anyhow, I’m obviously old and cranky and creaky and longing for the big Hall & Oates comeback 8-track.

But it’s fun to vent …

PS: One day, T.I. or Katy Perry or someone is going to deliberately start walking around with condoms glued to his/her ears, just to see how many idiots follow along.

2 thoughts on “My pants are baggy because your pants are baggy”

  1. “we wear our fucking pants big, cause our mothers were too poor to buy our size, so they had to buy two or three sizes up. call it what it is nigga, poverty, it’s fucking poverty. you know, poverty. the opposite of the big fucking cars and planes you drive.” -killer mike, “that’s life” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt9X1gvz728

  2. They comfortable as hell. The reason this whiteboy thinks they uncomfortable is cuz his dick is too small to hold da pants up in da front. You gotts be “hung” to wear pants like that. You is a racist for writing this. Why do stockbrokers wear suspenders? They also wearing a belt so da suspenders makes no sense. Why don’t you write about that?

Leave a Reply