JEFF PEARLMAN

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“Your cookies are in the Nugget box.”

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Tonight, while driving across the state of Tennessee, I stopped at a middle-of-nowhere McDonalds. I ordered a drink and two cookies. Total: $2.20.

The drive-thru wait felt eternal. I was in a bad mood, still looking at 100 miles to go, tired and sagging and …

“Your cookies are in the Nugget box.”

That’s what the woman at the drive-thru window said to me. Wait, I’ll write it again: “Your cookies are in the Nugget box.”

I can’t fully explain this, but that’s the friggin’ quote of the century. I actually can’t say it without laughing.

Anyhow, gotta go. My cookies are in the Nugget box.

PS: This replaces my previous favorite quote, which came from a waitress long ago. While eating dinner with Phil Taylor, I struck up a conversation with the woman. “I have very loose vagina lips,” she said—for absolutely no reason.