My Selfies vs. Kim’s Selfies

Loggins ...

Loggins …

If you’ve followed this blog for a long enough period of time, you might know that the lowest point of my journalism career came nine years ago, when my Barry Bonds biography, “Love Me, Hate Me,” was released by HarperCollins two weeks after “Game of Shadows,” also a Bonds book, was brought forth by Gotham.

The first Bonds offering, written by Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, was a runaway New York Times best seller (and rightly so—it was excellent). The second offering, written by, eh, me, did merely OK.

From that moment on, I swore that I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever have one of my books come out after a rival covering the same turf. And, thankfully, it hasn’t happened again.

Until now.

As I write this, Kim Kardashian Selfish is one of the biggest sellers in America. It’s sitting at No. 14 on Amazon, and will almost certainly rise up the ranks. Which, truly, would not bother me—were Jeff Pearlman Selfish not scheduled to hit shelves next week.

Yes, Jeff Pearlman Selfish. I’ve been very hush-hush about the project, because it’s really a gift to my fans, who keep clamoring for insights into what makes me, Jeff Pearlman, tick. I, of course, thought the best thing I, Jeff Pearlman, could do was offer up a book featuring selfies snapped by me, Jeff Pearlman, around the house, with family and friends, taking one of those long, banana-like poops, staring longingly at my neighbor’s cat, eating moldy sponge cake, masturbating to mid-1970s Kenny Loggins photos, tying illegal fireworks to the beaks of pigeons. On and on.

Alas, Kim Kardashian beat me to it. Damn her.

But here’s the thing. Earlier this evening I had a chance to look at some of Kim’s photos and, well, they’re suspiciously similar to mine. For example …

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And, how about this …

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This one—just uncanny …

Screen Shot 2015-05-07 at 11.34.38 PMAs is this one …

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This was a personal favorite …

Screen Shot 2015-05-07 at 11.32.12 PMBut the kicker for me … like, the moment when I knew something was awry, came when I turned to page 62 of Kim’s book and saw the below image—featuring Kim, Kim’s breasts and a very large mirror.

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Did she steal my idea? Will I be suing her for billions of dollars? Do I feel violated and damaged? Hell, you be the judge …

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4 thoughts on “My Selfies vs. Kim’s Selfies”

  1. This may be your first book in a long time not to make the NYT bestseller list. But well done anyway. And kudos to Catherine for playing along!

  2. For a while now, mostly since the Kardashian thing truly exploded, I’ve been on the outside looking in with the whole Kardashian enthusiasm. I’m your age (just turned 42), my oldest is 8, I don’t have friends that talk non-stop about her/them, and none of my Facebook friends post about her. I’m obviously in a vacuum, in that if I stay away from the tabloid press and the Today show, I don’t hear about her/them at the volume and vigor that gets broadcast. When I watch The Soup is when I am inundated with commercials for them. When I stumble on various posts on ‘news’ sites, I am dumbfounded by the amount that is written. I’d never witnessed anyone freaking out over her outside of anonymous male posters talking about how hot she is or her body parts or the fact that if she hadn’t let Ray J pee on her, she wouldn’t be famous.
    Then last Saturday I was at Barnes & Noble getting a gift with my 5 year old daughter. I walked past a customer service desk, and there was a woman and her two daughters, daughters in their early teens. The woman was IRATE. I cannot stress that enough. IRATE! Why? She couldn’t find the Kim Selfie book for her daughters. Her daughters had to have it! They came just to get that book. For each of them. Why can’t they find it?! It is out! Why don’t they have it? The girls looked crestfallen, not because their mother was embarrassing them, but because they didn’t have the book in their hands yet. There was near hyperventilation and everything. The clerk explained where the book may be (in a completely different area of the store). Off they went, mother in a huff. I was there when they finally found it, hidden in a lower shelf with the new releases. The girls squealed. The girls jumped for joy. They each grabbed one and proclaimed “We got it!” After that, multiple women rushed over to see it. “Is it shrinkwrapped? I just want a little peak inside…” “Are there any more?” When I left the store, they were still proudly showing their find to strangers.
    I’ve now seen ‘the other side’. And it is scary…

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