Sources have filled me in on what happened with Kim Davis and Mike Huckabee in the immediate aftermath of the whole released-from-jail/press conference thing in Kentucky …
(HUCKABEE, WRAPPING UP HIS REMARKS): “Lock me up if you think that’s how freedom is best served, because folks, I am willing to spend the next eight years in the White House leading this country but I want you to know, I’m willing to spend the next eight years in jail. But I’m not willing to spend one day under the tyranny of people who believe they can take our freedom and conscience away! Thank you! And God bless Kim Davis and God bless America …”
Cheers from the crowd, as Huckabee and Davis walk off the stage to a quiet space.
DAVIS: “Wow, Governor. Thank you so much. God has blessed me in so many special ways …”
HUCKABEE: “Well, Kim, what you did took a lot of courage, and I wanted to be here for you.”
DAVIS: “Gosh, Governor. I’m just so honored. Joe and I would love for you to come back to our blessed house for dinner. I’ve got a chicken-fried steak in the oven and …”
HUCKABEE: “Well, that’s just lovely. Thank you so much. The thing is …”
DAVIS: “Do you like carrots, Governor? Because we grow carrots in our backyard garden. It’s really simple. First you dig up the soil, then you …”
HUCKABEE: “Right. See, there’s …”
DAVIS: “God really has blessed us in so many ways, Governor. My son Abraham Jebediah wrote a poem for you. And he …”
HUCKABEE (Motioning for aide to start to car): “Well isn’t that something. I …”
DAVIS: “He titled it, ‘Mike Huckabee Strikes Down the Faggots Like Jesus Would, too.’
HUCKABEE (Beneath his breath, toward the aide): “Can we please get the fucking car?”
DAVIS: “He speaks in tongues and has a pet rattlesnake named Amaziah. You’ll …”
HUCKABEE (Now angrily motioning for the car): “Why don’t you give me the address, and I’ll meet you there in 10 minutes?”
DAVIS: “Gdkdsdk dksks saskassa skkksksks.”
HUCKABEE: “What?”
DAVIS: “God speaks through me.”
HUCKABEE (Motioning wildly with his arms): “Um …”
DAVIS: “Do you like Mandy Moore?”
HUCKABEE: “Um …”
DAVIS: “She ate my goldfish crackers.”
