In a few moments, George Pataki will join a bunch of other people in the opening debate to the real debate for the Republican Presidential thingamajob.
The former New York State governor allowed jeffpearlman.com to listen in as he stared into his dressing room mirror and prepared himself for the big encounter …
“You’re George Pataki. George motherfucking Pataki. You were the king of New York. You beat Mario Cuomo. Now he’s dead. You’re from Peekskill. The streets of Peekskill. The mean streets of Peekskill. You’re a bad-ass survivor with a Glock and an attitude. You appointed Nathan L. Rudgers to lead the Department of Agriculture and Markets. You can name 36 states, including Puerto Rico. You have gay friends. You once met Phil Simms. And the king of Russia. Or something.
“They say you have no shot. They say you’re polling at .00001 percent. They say people with erectile dysfunction can’t dance the Salsa. They say Donald Trump is the big man. Fuck Donald Trump. You’re George Pataki. You eat Donald Trump for lunch. Which could be quite tasty. Because anything deep fried is tasty.
“They say nobody’s watching the first debate. They say it’s a waste of time. I say Bobby Jindal is about to get a taste of Big George. Wait. Let me re-phrase.
“They say I’m a loser. I say I’m a winner, who just looks like a loser. They say I’m trailing Rick Perry, and he dropped out. I say fuck Rick Perry and fuck Hall and Oates and fuck Renaldo Nehemiah.
“It’s Pataki time, motherfucker! Pataki time!”