I hope Ted Cruz cheated on his wife

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The National Enquirer is reporting that Ted Cruz cheated on his wife Heidi while she was battling depression.

I hope this is true.

Yes, I know this makes me sound like an asshole. And yes, it’s pretty callous. And yes, I’m quite the dickhead. But, once again, I hope the rumors of Ted Cruz cheating on his wife are legitimate.

Why? Because I’m beyond sick and tired of moralizing public figures telling us how to live our lives. I’m tired of moralizing public figures damning gays and transgender to hell (or, if not hell, social marginalization). I’m tired of moralizing public figures hoisting Jesus upon us. I’m tired of hearing (from Cruz, in particular) that no man or woman who strives to be president should do anything before praying first thing in the morning. I don’t want to know how wonderful your marriage is, and how Heidi has always stood by your side, and how you and your wife and your kids bow your heads before every meal.

I.

Don’t.

Want.

To.

Hear. It.

The list of scandal-damned moralizing public figures is lengthy and oddly pleasurable. Newt Gingrich. John Edwards. Larry Craig. Mark Sanford. Dan Burton. On and on and on ( I have intentionally excluded Bill Clinton from the list, because while he screwed the intern, he was never really telling us not to). They tell us how to live righteously; how to live Godly. Then they screw the stewardess. Or the maid. Or the hooker. Or the transvestite hooker. Or they get caught with their gay lover, Ed.

Cruz, to his discredit, is the greatest moralizer we’ve ever seen. He’s always right. You’re always wrong. He lives as you should live, and that’s why you need him as president. He’s a good and holy and wise man …

Eh, maybe.

Oh, and here’s the thing: I don’t give a shit if people cheat. It’s not my business. I don’t know what goes down in the lives of others. For all we know, if he cheated, Ted Cruz has reason. Or permission. Or … whatever. We don’t know.

But if you’re going to stray, you damn well better not place expectations upon others.

Amen.

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