JEFF PEARLMAN

JEFF PEARLMAN

Humanity

Screen Shot 2016-07-08 at 3.19.04 PM

I just went to take a piss in this coffee shop, and was greeted by the above sight.

And, truly, it sums up so much about the awful nature of humanity. You go to the bathroom, and—after a lazy indifference toward lifting the seat—you spray your shit everywhere. Unless you’re blind (hell, even if you’re blind) you’re fully aware of what you’ve done. And yet … you do nothing. It would take two seconds to grab a sliver of toilet paper and wipe the mess. But—no. Why should you? So you walk out, leading to one of three scenarios:

• 1. The poor schlub making $9 per hour is left to mop your piss.

• 2. The next guy in the bathroom is left to mop your piss.

• 3. Someone somehow overlooks the piss and sits on it.

Actually, there’s a fourth scenario. Weird guy takes out his iPhone, shoots a photo, then grimaces and wipes the seat. Why? A. Because he doesn’t want the $9 schlub to do it; B. Because he doesn’t want to be blamed by person waiting outside the door.

Whatever the case, it sucks.