Hello from Topeka! (a guest post from Billy Bush)

screen-shot-2016-11-09-at-10-20-24-am

Billy Bush is a former host of the Today Show. Here, he writes his thoughts on yesterday’s election results from his condominium in Topeka, Kansas.

Hello from Topeka! It’s me, Billy Bush, and I’m doing great! Worked my third day at KSNT here in the Kansas state capital, and it’s been pretty amazing! They have me doing the types of stories I’ve always dreamed of. For example, this morning I woke up at 5:30 to drive to the home of Billy and Betsy Johannson, who have the most adorable poodle. Her name is Biffy, and she wears a tutu and dances in circles to the Backstreet Boys’ “Backstreet’s Back.” You should have seen that cute little dog. She went round and round. Oh, my! When it was done we rushed over to Water Street, where I interviewed a McDonald’s manager who just won $100 playing Lotto tickets. Wow!

So, really, I’m doing … great. Just … great. And, um … argh—I’M FUCKING LOSING MY MIND. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? DONALD TRUMP JUST WON THE PRESIDENCY, AND I’M IN TOPEKA WITH DANCING FUCKING DOGS? I WAS HOT SHIT! KIT HOOVER HAD NOTHING ON ME. I WAS HOSTING TODAY, CHILLING WITH CARSON! I WAS THE BEST! AND NOW I’M HERE, AND DONALD FUCKING TRUMP IS PRESIDENT-ELECT. IS THIS A JOKE?

MOTHER? MOTHER? WHERE’S MY MORPHINE? DO YOU HEAR THE VOICES? DOROTHY? DOROTHY? YES, DEAR, I LOVE YOU, BUT EMMANUEL LEWIS OCCUPIES MY BRAIN. DONALD TRUMP. DONALD TRUMP. PUSSY GRAB. PUSSY GRAB. DONALD …

Leave a Reply