JEFF PEARLMAN

Goodbye, America

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In case you missed the news, Donald Trump is officially pushing forward with his plan to build a wall along the Mexican border.

Has he conducted studies on whether it will be effective? Apparently no. Has he checked on the environmental ramifications? Apparently no. Has he spoken with members of congress? Apparently no. But he promised a wall. And promised a wall. And promised a wall. Because … those raping Mexicans are our biggest problem. So now he’s delivering, and the sloths will cheer.

#MAGA!

One day after announcing a federal spending freeze (because the government pays too much for too many things), Donald Trump made clear we will devote, oh, $25 billion to a barrier. I feel like sleeping—for a long time. I feel like screaming. I feel like punching wood. Or metal. Or the president’s gut. On Facebook, I know people from my hometown who are euphoric right now. They love the president, because he’s a man of action. So what if they’re about to lose their health insurance? So what if they’re anti-big government spending? So what if Trump’s cabinet is a who’s who of rich-and-greedy assholes? So what if he’s rolling back all the environmental protections that keep the air and water safe for our children? So what if he doesn’t believe in climate change? So what if he keeps FUCKING LYING ABOUT THE VOTE TOTAL?

FUCK IT—I’M USING CAPS!!! ARE YOU PEOPLE ABSOLUTE IDIOTS? ARE YOU THIS FUCKING GULLIBLE AND DUMB? YOU DON’T WANT TO PAY FOR AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS, BUT $25 BILLION FOR A STUPID WALL (THAT LIKELY WON’T EVEN WORK) IS OK? DO YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING? EVER? OR DO YOU JUST POST SHIT LIKE THIS …

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… AND WRITE LOL AS YOUR IGNORANT-AS-FUCK FRIENDS MAKE LIBTARD COMMENTS WHILE LAMENTING THE GOOD OL’ DAYS WHEN BLACKS KNEW THEIR PLACE? AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, WHERE WAS YOUR VOICE AND OUTRAGE WHEN TRUMP DEVOTED FIVE YEARS TO “PROVING” BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN KENYA? OR WHEN HE SAID TED CRUZ’S DAD KILLED JFK? WHERE WAS YOUR INDIGNATION WHEN HIS FAKE UNIVERSITY BILKED PEOPLE. BUT, OH, WE NEED TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE. AND THE WALL IS AWESOME. AND … AND …

I need a fucking cigarette.

And I’ve never smoked.

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