Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Dear Fairmont—I’ve got your apples

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Dear Fairmont:

See the photo? Those are your apples.

Yup, I took them from the workout room just now. The whole bowl, plus all eight Granny Smiths. Know why? Because you charge guests $14.02 per day for crappy Internet access and $16.18 a day for premium. That’s some serious bullshit right there, considering:

A. Even Motel 6 and Days Inn spring for free wifi.

B. It costs about $200 a night to stay here, plus $30 extra for the mandatory valet parking.

C. At most, wifi runs you roughly six cents per guests. At most.

I get capitalism. Really, I do. But this isn’t capitalism. It’s greed at the expense of your loyal customers; of people spending their hard-earned dough to visit your locations. And, yeah, I know—you don’t get many complaints, because a huge percentage of your clients are businesses, and those folks are enrolled in the frequent stay program, and blah … blah.


There is absolutely no reasonable explanation for this sort of crap. Wifi is inexpensive, wifi is supplied by 99 percent of American motels and hotels, wifi is even free in the worst of our cafes and restaurants.

So … say goodbye to your apples.

They’re mine, and I will eat them one by one, peeling the green skin off their hardened bodies.