Tonight, for no reason whatsoever, I found myself listening to “We Are The World,” the 1985 song featuring a million superstar singers raising money for USA for Africa.
The lineup is a who’s who of the era’s pop, rock and R&B singers, and I decided, right now, to rank the participants on overall career hugeness/greatness. So here I go …
• 1. Michael Jackson: There are no Beatles in the room, therefore this is a no-brainer.
• 2. Bob Dylan: I mean, he’s not everyone’s taste, and he sometimes sounds like a dying bird. But legend is legend.
• 3. Ray Charles: A v-e-r-y close third.
• 4. Stevie Wonder: One of the definitive voices of multiple eras.
• 5. Bruce Springsteen: At the time he would have ranked, oh, 20th. But 32 years later …
• 6. Paul Simon: It starts getting much more debatable here, but Simon—solo, or with Art—is an all-time, all-time legend.
• 7. Willie Nelson: If you never pay attention to country, this might seem way too high. It’s not.
• 8. Smokey Robinson: It’s weird—he’s a superduper star, yet he’s relegated to the chorus. No solo.
• 9. Tina Turner: She was a powerhouse with Ike, but the solo work took her to a new level.
• 10. Billy Joel: As my wife likes to point out, every month he sells out Madison Square Garden. Every month.
• 11. Harry Belafonte: If we’re talking music+social issues, he’s Top 3. But as pure musical guy, he’s 11th.
• 12. Hall & Oates: Yes, they’re my favorites. And Kenny Rogers fans might debate it. But the career resume speaks for itself.
• 13. Kenny Rogers: Also makes amazing chicken.
• 14. Bette Midler: Astonishing career on stage, film, record.
• 15. Diana Ross: She’s not my favorite, but the Supremes reigned, and her daughter stars on Blackish. So, hey.
• 16. Lionel Richie: He brought the world “Brick House,” but I won’t hold that against him.
• 17. Lindsey Buckingham: He barely appears here, but Fleetwood Mac ain’t no joke.
• 18. Kenny Loggins: I saw him in concert two nights ago. It was sorta dull. But he posts a ton of hits.
• 19. Waylon Jennings: A country icon with a fascinating life. That said—who invited him, but no Whitney Houston or Prince?
• 20. Steve Perry: Am I paying too little respect for the cheese that is Journey? Eh … no.
• 21. Cyndi Lauper: “She Bops” is about masturbation. I love that.
• 22. Dionne Warwick: A ton of flat, uninspired elevator tunes, punctured by an airport drug arrest.
• 23. Huey Lewis: Another one of those guys where you’re like, “Meh”—then you see his 25 hits. OK, not 25. But a sound eight.
• 24: The Pointer Sisters: They’re so excited to be on this list.
• 25. Jeffrey Osborne: At the time that whole wings of love thing was big. Otherwise, he’s playing Atlantic City as an opening act.
• 26. Sheila E: I mean, she’s been an elite drummer forever, and even led the band for the week Magic Johnson had his own talk show.
• 27. James Ingram: He entered the room as a Quincy Jones protege. Wound up having enough songs to bring forth a marginal Greatest Hits album. But that’s about all.
• 28. Al Jarreau: I just hate his genre of music. But a good run.
• 29. Kim Carnes: She was a Quaz. And, eh, yeah.
• 30. All the Jackson siblings: Marlon, Tito, Steve, Ed, Ray, Joe, Luis, Marty …
• 31. Bob Geldof: Had he not organized Live Aid, nobody knows his name,
• 32. Dad Aykroyd: How was in even invited?
