The best holiday ever (no close second)

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Halloween is the best holiday ever, and there’s no close second.

I know … I know.

Thanksgiving is all about family. 

And arguing. And old grudges. And drunk uncles.

The magic of Christmas morning.

Followed by two-hour Target return lines. Punctuated by greed. And arguing. And old grudges. And drunk uncles.

Chanukah! Oh Chanukah!

Vastly overrated. Really a nothing holiday, bumped up thanks to Christmas proximity.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. Love in the air!

Hallmark’s biggest scam.

Halloween, however, is the bomb. The shit. The day of days. No religion. No drunk bullshit. No arguing, debating, political sniping across a table filled with dead bird and mom’s mystery pudding. Nope—none of that. Halloween, is literally, dressing up as anything you choose, then walking door to door and receiving mounds of free candy.

Let me repeat that, because it’s so preposterously delightful: Halloween, is literally, dressing up as anything you choose, then walking door to door and receiving mounds of free candy.

It’s the best thing ever.

Ever.

And, to be clear, I’ve had some bad Halloween moments. Back when I was, oh, 9 or 10, a kid named Jimmy McDonnell took out my back with a baby powder-stuffed sock to the spine. About 15 years ago, some kids shattered three of our windows with frozen eggs.

Ultimately, though, those are blips on the radar.

It’s the perfect holiday.

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