What my NBA sources are telling me

They’re telling me nothing, because I have no NBA sources. But, truth be told, I don’t believe so-called sources mean squat.

I’ve been listening to ESPN’s myriad formats throughout the day, and it’s laughable. Pathetic. News agencies creating news. This guy says this, this guy says that, this guy believes that guy is going with that guy to this city. It’s all crap, because no one has a real clue, but there’s much space to fill, so they talk and talk and talk.

Hence, so will I. Here, for the only time, are my predictions of what happens to the various free agents. Compare my picks with the people paid to know—and I bet I hold my own …

LeBron James—Will sign with the Chicago Bulls, because he loves the red-and-black color scheme.

Chris Bosh and D-Wade—Wind up teammates in Miami.

Joe Johnson—Returns to Atlanta, because the money and team are both great.

Dirk Nowitzki—A no-brainer. Returns to Dallas to wrap up his career and soak in the love.

Amare Stoudemire—Back in Phoenix. If you’re him, why would you ever leave Steve Nash?

David Lee—Now starting, for yooouuuurrrrr Brooklyn Nets …

Carlos Boozer—The Knicks have thrown two seasons and dismantled their entire roster … for this guy.

Paul Pierce—Teams up with LeBron in Chicago to kick ass and take names.

Rudy Gay—Doesn’t leave Memphis. Hell, B.B. King’s has great burgers.

Richard Jefferson—Boston goes with this weak replacement for Pierce.

Luis Scola—Back to Houston, because the mall there is wonderful.

Ray Allen—Doesn’t want to leave Boston … and won’t.

Shaquille O’Neal—The Clippers come calling … and Shaq answers.

Al Harrington—The ultimate good player on bad teams, he somehow winds up in San Antonio.

Brendan Haywood—The Knicks say farewell to Eddy, hello to this guy. Pump it up, Knick fans!

Derek Fisher—To leave the Lakers would be crazy. He sticks.

Allen Iverson—The Kentucky Bisons come calling. And only the Kentucky Bisons come calling.

Stephon Marbury—In his driveway.