I am but a Jew …

… but were I a participant in Christmas, and were I to buy a tree, and were that tree to be artificial, I’m shopping here—at Treetopia.

Life goes by quick. Why get a green tree every … single … year, when yellow and pink and orange can do the same job, only better?

On a side note: My neighborhood Starbucks put up the ol’ Christmas decorations a few days back—and Jews are already complaining about the lack of Chanukah displays. As a kid, I was all with the movement. Why weren’t we Jews being acknowledged? Why was the season dominated solely by Jesus and 50% off sales? Why? Why? Why? Now, I see things quite differently.

A. The material nature of Christmas is pathetic.

B. Why would we Jews wanna aspire to that?

C. Mel Gibson says he killed Jesus. So maybe, instead of battling for respect, we should be renting Lethal Weapon III and searching for the secret satanic messages.