Wall boogers

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Wall booger: Feb. 21, 2016, 1:34 pm. Laguna Beach.

There is something that has mystified me for decades, and it’s this: Wall boogers.

I mentioned wall boogers to the wife this evening, and she was:

A. Mystified.

B. Repulsed.

Women, it seems, don’t do wall boogers. Nor, for that matter, does Jeff Pearlman. But I’ve come face to face with them about 10,000 times in my career. Usually (actually, almost always) one spots a wall booger while standing at a urinal, peeing. The wall booger tends to be located about six inches above the flushing handle, affixed to the plaster or wood or whatever, dried and either green or yellow or green and yellow with a tint of red.

So why do men leave their boogers on the wall, above a urinal? Eh, I have no idea. Maybe it’s a territorial pissing, much like a dog dropping some liquid on a bush. Maybe it’s a sociological statement—”I was here! I matter!” Maybe it’s just boredom. “Well, I’m peeing, and that’s not so fun. I’ll just pick my nose and wipe it on the wall.”

Chances are, there’s a simpler explanation: Men are gross, and gross entities do gross things.

Of course, while the placement of a wall booger is strange, it’s not nearly as strange as chronicling the placement of a wall booger with an iPhone camera.

That’s really odd.