Why I’m voting for Donald Trump

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I’m voting for Donald Trump because he means what he says and he says what he means and he means what he means he says.

I digress.

Donald Trump once took a shit in my mouth. Donald Trump once assaulted my sister, then raped my sister’s horse. Donald Trump ran over my foot with a tractor, then spit in my face and punched me really hard.

But I don’t care. He says what he means and he means what he says. And this is America.

Donald Trump once farted in my face. On purpose. He once stole the Thanksgiving turkey off my table and fed it to his dog—who was allergic to turkey and threw the whole thing up. Then he made my sons eat the turkey dog throw up. It was gross.

But I don’t care. He says what he means and he means what he says. And this is America.

Donald Trump thinks Menudo is what music is all about. Donald Trump’s favorite movie is The Godfather—part III. Donald Trump eats at Macaroni Grill.

But I don’t care. He says what he means and he means what he says. And this is America.

There is nothing you can say that would stop me from supporting Donald Trump. He backed Hillary (The Devil) Clinton? Well, I’m sure he was drunk. Mexico says there’s absolutely no way it’ll build and pay for a wall along the border? Donald will use his mind powers to change that. It’s literally impossible to round up 11 million illegal immigrants? Donald has a magic Mexicanlio net. Trust me. Trump University was a hoax? Donald will now start hoaxing those ISIS bitches.

I’ve been told that Donald Trump hangs out at elementary schools, waiting for young girls. Well, that’s OK. It shows his youthful enthusiasm. I’ve been told Donald Trump bites the heads off of live chickens. Well, that’s OK. Too many illegal immigrants are being paid by the poultry industry. I’ve been told Donald Trump hijacked the invisible fifth plane on 9.11? Hey, I admire anyone who enjoys flying. Donald Trump has been caught lying about 5,000 times this month? He’s inventive!

Truly, I don’t care. He says what he means and he means what he says. And this is America.


This is America.

4 thoughts on “Why I’m voting for Donald Trump”

  1. Did you get SuperPac Money for this? Congress doesn’t care. Congress draws their own districts. Congress picks who votes for them. The President and The election is becoming irrelevant. My district in Cook County Illinois looks like a real long banana.

  2. Why is it the only adult left in the GOP can’t get people to vote for him?
    During the penis comparing debate I might have been able to have some respect for Kasich if he had suddenly yelled, “pull my finger.” Followed by a dressing down on how none of the 3 adolescents he was with should ever be anywhere near the Oval Office.
    If he had said he would vote for Bernie Sanders before he would vote for one of them, he might have gotten my vote in the general election.
    Unfortunately he shriveled up in fear.
    Nobody in the GOP wants Trump, but they are to terrified to really oppose him.

  3. Louis C.K. came out publicly against Trump, too. Hopefully, even Americans see the light and finally realize Trump is nothing but an egomaniac who wants another toy to break.

  4. You are avoiding the point. Which is that you would not have had this problem if yiu had been open and up front with the electorate.

    You yourslef make the case, DT is horrible in all possible ways except one, and that is he speaks his mind honestlu. Had you done that, you could have certainly done better. But you failed to do so. Which means this catastrophe is your fault

    Dont blame the electorate for your cowardice.

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