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I was on the cover of a magazine—just like Donald Trump

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So I don’t like to brag, but check out the Sports Magazine cover pictured above!

Yes, that’s me! The year was 1985, and I was a 13-year-old slugger for the New York Yankees! Amazing, right! Spectacular, right! Sport Magazine! Jeff Pearlman! Cover! Hell, it’s right there in front of you!

Jeff Pearlman!

Cover!

•••

Now imagine, for a second, were I actually trying to sell you on this. Imagine if I included the Sport Magazine cover in my portfolio; if I actually tried to impress people by showing it off as one of my accomplishments. Hell, what if we had this dialogue as you entered my home …

You: “Is that you on the cover of Sport Magazine?”

Me: “It sure is!”

What would you think of me? What would you tell your friends? I’m being serious—what the heck would you think if I were trying to pass off a fake magazine cover as real? How would you judge me?

I ask, of course, because today the Washington Post ran a terrific article about Donald Trump hanging fake Time Magazine covers in his golf clubhouses. You can read the piece here, and here’s an image of the framed cover …

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A few thoughts on this one:

A. The lemmings will inevitably make their excuses.

B. The cover doesn’t even look professional. I mean, TIME crosses his forehead and hair; the ellipsis between “Fronts” and “even” is off; the designer (probably a 17-year-old kid on the Ocean City boardwalk) didn’t even bother to use smart quotes.

C. It’s sooooooo cheesy.

And, truly, that’s the thing. This is the work of a cheeseball conman. A quality conman would make sure the cover at least looks passable to those in the know. But this one only looks passable to idiots and worshipers. It’s Grade-C- material, much like his buildings and casinos.

But such is our president.

Sigh.

Such is our president.

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