Ranking the likely Democratic Presidential Nominee

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So every four years I like to routinely rank the likelihood of the nominees for the Republican and Democratic presidential candidates. And since we know General Zod and Homophobe Boy will head the GOP ticket, I figured it’s time to offer my first WHO WILL MOST LIKELY BE THE DEMOCRAT RUNNING IN 2020 list.

This will almost certainly change with time …

• 1. Kamala Harris: At this moment the California senator checks off a lot of boxes. She’ll have a ton of money, she doesn’t take shit, she’s a strong campaigner and she’s a minority woman (which I love). Hard to envision Donald Trump pushing her around on stage—if he even debates.

• 2. Joe Biden: God, this has been an awful week for the former vice president, and he hasn’t handled it very well. But I still think Biden’s a strong choice. First, he’ll punch Trump in the teeth. Second, he’ll raise money. Third, even if he is gross, Trump is 10,000 times grosser.

• 3. Bernie Sanders: I don’t want this to happen. But—if Sanders wins, I’m all in with him.

• 4. Cory Booker: I’m not the biggest Booker fan, mainly because he comes off as a bit slick. But he’s very smart, a helluva campaigner and he knows what it is to fight through political street brawls.

• 5. Pete Buttigieg: He’s the openly gay mayor of South Bend—and he’s been kicking incredible ass on the campaign trail. Is America ready to back a married gay man? I’m hopeful. Absolutely love this guy.

• 6. Elizabeth Warren: I hear her speak and scream AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! But can she throw punches? Because Dickwad Boy will come at her hard.

• 7. Jay Inslee: The Washington governor is running on the climate disaster—which I love. Can he win? I’m uncertain.

• 8. Kirsten Gillibrand: I’m not feeling the New York senator. Just comes off as extremely calculated and not particularly insightful.

• 9. Beto O’Rourke: He’s the 1987 Mets.

• 10. Amy Klobucher: The Minnesota senator has had a brutal run thus far. That said, if you have an extra fork available …

• 11. John Hickenlooper: The former Colorado governor has a ton of positives, but—and I’m being serious here—I don’t think America votes for a man named “Hickenlooper.” Mainly because we’re idiots.

• 12. Julian Castro: The former secretary of housing and urban development is invisible. And not in a good superhero-ish way.

• 13. Tim Ryan: Ohio rep is as known as my elbow. Do you know my elbow?

•  14. John Delaney: Former Maryland representative announced he was running in 2017—and this is the first I’ve heard of him.

• 15. Wayne Messam: He’s the mayor of Miramar, Florida. Hard to know a person exists if you didn’t know his city exists.

• 16. Tulsi Gabbard: I’ve never seen a worse campaign rollout. She and I have the same odds.

1 thought on “Ranking the likely Democratic Presidential Nominee”

  1. Understanding that all of them (except, perhaps, the appalling Tulsi Gabbard) are preferable to Trumpelstiltskin, I nonetheless take issue.

    Kamala Harris (for whom I nonetheless voted) made a lot of bad decisions and missteps as SF DA and CA AG. Not the least of those was throwing her support behind preserving the corrupt convictions obtained by the repugnant Orange County DA, Rackauskas via his despicable jailhouse informant scheme. The San Francisco crime lab scandal on her watch was hardly a shining moment, to say the least. Those aren’t the only blots on her escutcheon.

    Joe Biden (plagiarist https://www.businessinsider.com/plagiarism-scandal-joe-biden-first-presidential-run-1988-2019-3) has some chops, but is a walking unforced error. You can almost guarantee that he will commit a bunch of damaging gaffes. https://www.newsweek.com/joe-biden-gaffes-quotes-2020-election-1323905 And while Republicans shrug off Trump’s abhorrent record of sexual harassment, infidelity crudeness, etc., a Democratic candidate, who must adhere to a different standard.

    Bernie Sanders is a distant cousin of Larry David, and frankly I’d rather have Larry David running. He is also WOEFULLY ignorant on foreign policy — but then, aren’t they all, except Gaffe-man Biden?

    Elizabeth Warren is super-smart, has a lot of attractive ideas and proposals, and I understand that she absolutely kills it in smaller settings. But then, supposedly, so did Hillary, also no dummy, who proved to be a disaster in front of larger audiences. Also, I think The Donald owns real estate in her head, as there can be no other rational explanation for her unforced “I got tested and i have microscopic amounts of Native American DNA” gaffe.

    Loved Buttigieg ever since his appearance in NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” Smart, engaging, involved. There is unfortunately, IMO, no way a married gay man plays in the Heartland outside the cities, unless he’s a closeted gay man married to a woman.

    How can you not mention Andrew Yang, who has raised a respectable amount of money and has some fascinating ideas, along with a few whacky ones?

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