Blog News QUAZ Sex

Goddess Kitty

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The 403rd Quaz Q&A wasn’t supposed to be a financial dominatrix from Kentucky.

The 404th Quaz Q&A wasn’t supposed to be a financial dominatrix from Kentucky.

The 405th Quaz Q&A wasn’t supposed to be a financial dominatrix from Kentucky.

Truth be told, I had this latest interview scheduled for a month from now, after the two authors and the baseball player and the mechanic returned their 10 questions to the stable. But here’s one thing I’ve learned about the Quaz, and it’s almost always true. Some genres of professions take their time. Some genres of professions really take their time. But people who work in the sex business—men and women, gay and straight, old and young—are always game.

Why? I believe in part because the nation still tends to view sex work as this to-be-marginalized thing, and you’ll rarely see a fetish photographer or erotic hypnosis practitioner appearing on, say, or inside the pages of People. But it’s more than that. Folks like Goddess Kitty (not her real name) have a uniquely open way of being. They’re people who are proud of what they do and who they are, and aspire for others (whether they’re interested in partaking or not) to at least understand the profession.

Hence, today’s Quaz features a woman who works as a financial domme, meaning she gets paid to … well, um … read below and find out. You can follow Kitty on Twitter here, but be warned—she’ll brag about Kentucky pizza and poets you’ve never heard of.

Goddess Kitty, you are The Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: You’re married. You work in the sex business. Fascinated what the husband thinks of this? Did you gradually explain it to him? Did he know from the start? Is it at all awkward?

GODDESS KITTY: I’m weird, I guess, but I’ve always been incredibly open about My love for sex and sex work with My husband. It’s not something that has ever been awkward, because it’s been there from the beginning. Had he been a bit more prudish, it never would’ve worked out. You see, I think sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Attraction, desire. And I knew, prior to ever even meeting My husband, that I wasn’t going to settle for a relationship in which I wasn’t sexually fulfilled, which, for me, includes this particular portion of My life. When you know exactly what you want out of a relationship going in, and can express that clearly, it’s much more likely to last. I understand that sexual conversations with our partners, of any level, can be difficult to have, but the amount of trouble we save ourselves is worth it.

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J.P.: Why do you think online sex businesses work? What I mean is, nobody is having sex, literally, with you. There’s no touching, skin to skin, anything like that. So … what’s the appeal?

G.K.: If sex were purely physical, perhaps they wouldn’t work. But what sexual relationship have you been in that is ever only purely physical? Chances are, next to none. Why? Because we, as humans, can’t help but judge a person’s personality, let it alter our views. There is so much more that goes into physical attraction and release than just penis in vagina sex. We want mystery. We want a tease. We want to be entertained. Online sex workers can give you all of that. Online sex workers can play to all of your kinks, because their ability to morph into different personas is incredible. Not to mention, there is a layer of safety there. Not just physical, although that’s certainly a risk, especially in kink play, but also safety from exposure. If a very powerful business man, famous personality, etc. wanted to indulge his kinks, it’s much easier to create a fake persona online and explore incognito. No diseases to worry about. You know they’re not an undercover cop trying to bust you for prostitution. Overall, if you’re paying someone for sexual favors, seems like the best way to do so, or to at least start the interaction.

J.P.: How did this happen for you? Like, what was the impetus to enter the business? What’s your background in this area?

G.K.: I’ve been engaging in BDSM play since My first high school relationship. I’ve been exploring this side of Myself for a very long time, cultivating and growing the Dominate side of Me in both My personal and professional life. And I have loved every single step of the journey. I think if you engage in any kind of kink play, you learn fairly quickly that while it’s immensely fun, there is a lot of homework involved. Research. You have to learn about the kinks you want to participate in, because without knowledge, someone could end up very physically or mentally hurt. In the process of My researching new kinks, I found the FinDomme rabbit hole, and I’ve been tumbling since. It made sense, when I stumbled on it, because money was by far My biggest turn on, and beyond that, the Dominance came naturally to me. Like they say, “If you’re good at something, never do it for free.” Once I found FinDom, I stopped dominating it for free.

J.P.: Kinda random, but we have a president who is supported by the evangelical right who paid off a porn star he had sex with 10 days before the birth of his child. And I can’t really tell where America is right now. Like, are we more sexually repressed than ever? Less? What does Trump and his behavior say about ourselves, and our allowances?

G.K.: I don’t think it’s a question of sexual repression or not. I think that what we’re seeing is a shift in the way we view sex. That’s not necessarily a step backward or forward, merely a change. And it certainly won’t be the last change we see. I think it’s amazing that as a human race, we are able to grow, from one generation to the next, and we are able to morph into different things than we were before. I think every generation has it’s boundaries that get pushed, and this is no different. I think there will always be people who are behind, but it’s not best to dwell on that because they aren’t going to be around forever. Everything in this world is so temporary. So, I just push as much sex positivity as I can, and I hope to encourage others to do the same, in whatever way is healthy and best for them.

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J.P.: A woman or man comes to you for services. They pay you. They’re married or dating. Is that infidelity? Why or why not?

G.K.: This is a very complicated question, and a lot of it depends so much on the situation. First, the privacy and security of my clients is of upmost importance to Me, so any that are married or otherwise entangled romantically will never have to worry about discretion. Second, I would say, more than anything, this depends on the submissive. As a Domme, I make sure that my subs always, always put their real world responsibilities first. Wife, kids, life. I understand that comes before anything else, but let’s be honest, who doesn’t have secrets? Some are deeper than others, some would hurt worse if found out, but everyone, everyone has secrets. They have things they hide from their partners, their friends, coworkers, families. And, we all spend money on things that bring us pleasure, be that food, alcohol, drugs, or a Domme. What I do believe is that exploring all sides of ourselves in a safe space where we know we are able to without any fear of judgement is so beautiful. It can really allow us to grow, and it can also teach us things we can bring into our personal, vanilla lives and grow and learn from. I believe that when we keep parts of us locked away and hidden it’s bad for our mental health, and I also believe that some people can be absolutely compatible in every way except sexually, and that it’s okay to admit to yourself that you’re not always fulfilled, and seek fulfillment discretely elsewhere, as long as you keep fulfilling your duties to your household first.

J.P.: Soup to nuts, how does one build an online sex business? Like, where did you start? What are the keys? What does one need to know?

G.K.: You make an account. Simple as that. Some bright, well-lit pictures. I did a lot of looking around at Domme’s pages on Twitter I respected when I set up My account. Find a style that works for you, and stick to it. There will be subs for you, that will love who YOU are, not what you think you should be. Learn about kinks. Really learn about them, because some of them are safety issues if you don’t. Be patient, because this isn’t a get rich quick scheme, nor will it make you millions overnight. Be expecting to put a lot of effort into making content. You’ll want to paywall the hottest content, so that people don’t get everything for free. And most importantly, be yourself. If you aren’t naturally dominant, if people don’t naturally love you, this probably isn’t the business for you. You can certainly try, and you very well might learn, but you will not be enjoying yourself like you should be, and you will most likely end up leaving.

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J.P.: You Tweet a lot about smoking pot—which you do daily. And I say this with all respect, but why? Do you worry about the health ramifications? The apathy? Etc?

G.K.: Oh, you’ve opened a can of worms here. Marijuana is absolutely My first love, and I could talk about it forever. It is incredible the things it can do for the body. Do I worry about the health risks? No. Honestly, I feel better when I smoke. I exercise more. I breathe better. My heart rate is more normal. I will clarify by saying I do have anxiety, and it helps. After years of therapy and medication (since I was about 5), pot is the only thing that’s calmed Me down without completely altering who I am. Instead, I feel it enhances it. It lets Me feel more while also not becoming overwhelmed by it. It’s a miracle for me, and I don’t say that lightly. Because absolutely nothing else had worked. When I’ve lost My appetite, it helps Me eat. When I can’t sleep, it helps. There are so many different strains and uses, and so many things it can do and help you with. Coming from an area where opioid addiction is huge, marijuana could save these people’s lives if it was easily accessible, legal, and safe. Safe from being laced with anything, safe from having harder things pushed on them again by their dealers. I often take T-breaks. It’s healthy to set it down and walk away and reevaluate your life, but at the end of the day, as long as you are keeping track of how much you are smoking, and you’re making sure you don’t become a sloth, I really think it can enhance just about anyone’s life. It’s just about finding that right strain and the right way of getting high.

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J.P.: What do you do for a job away from this? What are your goals?

G.K.: I work for a retail company, early in the AM. It’s boring, but I get paid well there, along with some great benefits. I don’t plan on staying there forever. I have a lot of side hustles too. I knit hats and scarves, I made bath bombs, cross stitch, occasionally dog sit. Any talent I can make money off of, I am capitalizing on. All of My long term aspirations are more creative. I would love to grow My sex business. My brand. Expand. But I also write often, and would eventually like to see Myself published on a larger scale, whatever that might look like, be it a poetry book, a novel, or a sex centered self-help book.

J.P.: Greatest moment of your sexual dominatrix career? Lowest?:

G.K.: The greatest moment? Honestly, there are a couple that stand out in particular, but they have a single thread in common. All of My favorite moments have been epiphanies of sorts for My subs. I absolutely adore a moment when they shift in their thinking, realize I am right, and I always have been, and accept what I am saying to them. This isn’t always sexual; I can be helping a sub through a difficult period in their life. But it’s always about growth, and when I can see that growth in My subs, I am the proudest Domme possible. The lowest? You can spend a lot of time cultivating a relationship with someone in this field. You can become friends. You talk about things that are so deep and scary, it’s impossible not to care about your closest subs if you’re doing this job correctly, and because of that, if one of your subs ghosts without telling you, it can be heartbreaking. I would say that 100% there are Dommes out there who don’t give a fuck, but personally, being left after weeks or months of cultivation and growth between us, with not so much as a goodbye, can be very hard.

J.P.: You’re a huge poetry fan, and an enormous E.E. Cummings booster. Why?

G.K.: Okay, let’s flash back for this one. Back to a little sixth grade Me in honors English. The absolute first day of middle school, and I knew no one. It was a brand new school, and all of the kids who I went to elementary school were bussed off to the old middle school. I had absolutely no friends. I sat down in my plastic chair, and I looked around, and I felt so small and scared, and I was so worried about My future. My teacher had a poem up on the board. “l(a,” by e. e. cummings. She gave us the first ten minutes of class to try and figure it out, to read it, and tell her what it meant, and all of us struggled. We had been conditioned to read things certain ways, to accept that this is what grammar was and this is what a sentence is and this is what a poem should be. And this was definitely outside of our comfort zones. After watching us struggle, she went up, and she explained everything we had just been trying so hard to figure out, and once she did, everything about it made sense, in a whole new way. Not the way of the world or the English language, but in a way that speaks to the essence of the human soul. The poem reads, “loneliness (a leaf falls).” That’s it. And entire page taken up for four words and two parenthesis, and it absolutely touched Me. That little girl who was so lonely took that poem and held it close. I went home, and I read everything I could by cummings. And every last piece was brilliant. None of them followed the rules. They were all so literally his soul on paper, with no regard for what was the “correct” way. He tossed every rule out the window, and he created something most poets can only dream of achieving. His uniqueness made him great. I aspire to that as well.

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• Why “Goddess Kitty”?: My husband has always called Me Kitty Katz as a joke. It stuck.

• Three things men don’t get about sex?: We want to be seduced every single time. I don’t care how long you’ve been married, if you want to have more sex with your wife, act like you’re dating her again. Women never lose the desire to be desired. 2. If you’re not sure if she got off, you’re doing something wrong. You should always, beyond a shadow of a doubt, be making sure your partner enjoys themselves. It’s not hard to make a woman cum if you give a damn about it. If you’re unsure, communicate that to her. I’m sure she wants to get off just as badly as you want to get her off, and she will help. 3. EAT HER OUT. No explanation needed.

• Three things women don’t get about sex?: In relationships, it’s just as much their job to keep the sex alive if they want it to last. If something is lacking, they tend to let it fester instead of communicating it. If you need more, say so. If you’re bored, say so. If you don’t, it’s on you when the sex fizzles out. 2. You can ask for whatever you want! You want more oral sex? Tell him. You want anal? Tell him. You want to be the boss? Tell him! You want to be tied up? Tell him! It is beyond okay to ask for what you need sexually, even if it’s a one night stand. Speak up for yourselves, ladies. And if you don’t feel comfortable telling someone what you need sexually, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with them. 3. Don’t judge your fellow women for their sex lives. If they want to bang the whole basketball team, let them. If they want to wait until marriage, cool. If they want to fall somewhere in between like most of us, that’s fine too. But for the love of God, My fellow ladies, stop hating on each other for sexuality.

• Rank in order (favorite to least): Matt Bevin, Nipsey Hussle, Nick Van Exel, spiders, ripped blue jeans, the smell of marijuana, your high school history teacher, staplers: The smell of marijuana, My high school history teacher (all three, actually, I was incredibly lucky with that), spiders, ripped blue jeans, Nipsey Hussle, Nick Van Exel, Staplers, Matt Bevin (Can he be so far down that he’s literally on this list or planet anymore?)

• Three memories from your first-ever kiss: It was against these cold red lockers. The hallway smelled like the football team after practice. My girlfriend took Me by surprise and swept Me to the side and kissed Me, and I couldn’t breathe for a minute.

• The next president of the United States will be …: Let’s all write in My name.

• In 12 words, make an argument for Kentucky pizza: Goodfellas, Miguels, Mellow Mushroom. That’s all I need.

• One question you would ask Thurman Munson were he here right now?: What is it like to be undeniably extraordinary at something?

• What happens after we die?: Big question. I like to believe there is something out there, and that we are not completely wasted space that’s gone once we die, but I’m not sure. Sometimes, I do find Myself leaning toward reincarnation, but mostly because I think it’s just such a beautiful thought.

• Weirdest thing to happen at your wedding?: Nothing too weird happened. It was a very small ceremony. Only about ten people there, and we got steaks at Logan’s afterward. I never saw Myself getting married, but when you meet someone like My husband, you don’t ever let them go. The wedding wasn’t important to Me at all. I just wanted to be legally bound to My best friend for life so he could never run from Me.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Erin Carroll

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On her Twitter account, Erin Carroll refers to herself as “Caring Erin.” And while, at first glance, one might think “Naked Erin” or “Peeing Erin” or “Here’s My Body Erin” is more appropriate, “Caring Erin” turns out to be dead on.

See, Erin Carroll is a self-anointed “professionally naked optimist,” which means she posts message of hope and kindness while simultaneously offering naked poses. She does this in exchange for financial support—and it’s working. Erin is, unambiguously, a succesful entrepreneur, one who gave up careers she hated in exchange for doing something she loves. Actually, two things she loves: 1. Being naked. 2. Engaging with people.

And if this all sounds weird, well … it sorta is. But it also sorta isn’t. Because here in 2019, the traditional world business model has been turned upside its head. YouTube stars morph into mainstream stars. Business people become political leaders. Athletes are discovered via Instagram posts.

And, in New York City, a lovely engaged-to-be-married, tattoo-coated 26-year-old tries and make your day.

In the buff.

One can follow Erin on Twitter here (warning—there’s a whole lot of nudity) and visit her website here.

Erin Carroll, you are the Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: So Erin, you’re the second Quaz to have been raised Mormon and wind up in the adult entertainment world. Is it fair to say there’s some direct correlation rebellion involved? And when did you sorta realize being Mormon wasn’t for you?

ERIN CARROLL: There’s a pretty decent concentration of ex-Mormons in adult entertainment! All over the world, Mormon children are taught to have a very controlling relationship with their bodies and their sexuality. Preventing yourself from being a sexual person until you’re married is a big part of the culture.

My exit from the church was related to sexuality—my sister came out to me as bisexual when we were 12 and I parroted to her the, “I love you, I just don’t love your lifestyle” schlock. It didn’t sit right with me as I said it. I knew my sister was a good person and I didn’t understand why I was expected to be upset. After thinking about it for a while, I concluded it didn’t make any sense and I started poking holes in everything. I figured out that being an openly sexual person doesn’t make me a bad person, and started exploring that.

J.P.: I have seen your vagina up close via Twitter, and I’m gonna be honest—didn’t need to see it. Nothing against vaginas, or your vagina—but it just seems … too much. Like, sexiness is a peek, a hint, a suggestion. And a vagina on my screen is sorta—BAM! So … tell me why I’m wrong or right? And what are you trying to project?

E.C.: Yeah, well, ya know, that’s just like, your opinion, man. Sexiness can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Sometimes sexiness is a lot of different things to the same person. So, if you’re just speaking for yourself, you are 100 percent correct. For Jeff Pearlman, sexiness is a peek and anything more might even be a turn-off. For my audience and my clients, I’d say the majority appreciates the up-close looks.

I don’t know that I’m trying to “project” anything. I like that I can take a picture of part of my body and it makes a lot of people happy—just to see it. I think that’s pretty neat. And sometimes I just need to get people’s attention so I can sell some videos and pay my bills. Up close photos of vaginas tend to get people’s attention pretty well.

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J.P.: The world sucks. Our president is an aspiring dictator. Our seas are rising. You call yourself a “professionally naked optimist.” Why? What’s there to be optimistic about?

E.C.: I think the world is always getting worse in ways and better in ways. With some of my work, I’m trying to encourage people to seek out ways in which our world is getting better. If people focus on the ways it’s getting worse, I encourage them to take tangible steps that might help, even if it’s just helping in their immediate communities. I am optimistic because I know there are good things in the world and I know that people can (and do) make bad things better.

J.P.: OK, so I just watched this clip and I’m TOTALLY fascinated by your boyfriend. How did you meet? What does he do? And how does he feel about your gig?

E.C.: He’s my fiancé actually! We’re getting married in May. I have to be vague to protect our privacy, but he’s a software engineer in a managerial position at a good company. We met on Tinder a couple of years ago. On our first date, we photographed each other, had a jam session, and did a big drawing together. It was pretty clear we were a good fit. He’s dated adult entertainers before and has had friends in the industry for longer than I have been in it. I think ultimately he sees it as any other entrepreneurial endeavor. He helps me a lot with my work, actually. We’re monogamous, so he is my only co-star, and he’s my cameraman a lot of the time!

 J.P.: You seem very comfortable naked. Very, very comfortable. How did you get there? Because even in the men’s locker room at the gym I’m 100% towel around the waist.

E.C.: As far as I know, I’ve always been this way, probably thanks in large part to my mom. My mother isn’t Mormon, she converted briefly for my dad. She’s a total hippie. Most of my life, it was just me and my mom, so if we were home alone I could hang out however I was most comfortable—and for me, that was usually running around in my underwear. When my mom saw I had a fascination with ancient Greek and Roman culture and fine art, she took me to the library where I got dozens of books full of naked statues and nudity in paintings. Non-sexual nudity in the comfort of one’s own home and in art was normalized when I was growing up, which I think is healthy and I plan to do the same for my children.

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J.P.: How did this happen for you? I know you’re a Tennessee-raised Mormon who lives in New York. But what was the path? How did you end up doing this?

E.C.: The path was a long and complicated one. I’m going to go over the first part pretty quickly.

When I was younger, I had “itchy feet.” I moved from Tennessee to Southern California when I was 19. I moved from SoCal to Washington State when I was 20. In Washington, I made a Chaturbate account with my boyfriend at the time. We only used it a couple of times. We didn’t take it very seriously. When I moved to Portland, Oregon at 21, I was newly single and had a job that was both physically demanding and low-paying. I was pretty miserable, and my sister knew my job/difficulty paying bills had a lot to do with that. She told me she had been camming, said it had been really working out for her; she gave me a renewed interest in it. I tried doing a few simple shower shows, and they went well! Not only was I making a bit of money, I was meeting people and forming relationships in the community that made me feel genuinely cared for. I kind of fell into culture like a Tetris piece.

Over time, I learned more and more about how to develop my career as an adult entertainer, but I was frustrated. I felt like I was stuck. My day job was 40 hours a week, and when I wasn’t working, I was exhausted from working. I had a friend who believed in me enough, he loaned me $1,000 so I could quit. After I did, all of my time and energy went into promoting myself, doing shows, and making videos. After some unfortunate stuff in my personal life, I had to leave Portland, so I headed to New York City where I was able to continue doing what I love and I paid him back in just a few months.

I’m almost 26 now, and business had a pretty steady increase over the last five-ish years. A few months ago, it feels like it doubled! I feel very blessed and grateful for all of the support.

J.P.: Hold on—another clip question. This is you … peeing. Why am I watching you pee? And why do others want to watch you pee? I’m NOT being snide, because you seem to have excellent business sense on this. I mean it.

E.C.: I have quite a few clips on my Twitter of me peeing and I show it a lot on Snapchat. Personally, I don’t get pleasure from sharing it aside from knowing some people are enjoying it. I just don’t mind sharing it—it’s something I can record very easily and quickly. These clips aren’t as commonplace, at least in my circle on Twitter, so they really get people’s attention—that helps build my audience which leads to sales.

You’d have to ask the people who want to see it why they feel that way. Not everyone who watches it even does so for sexual pleasure. I think a lot of people watch it at least a few seconds simply because it isn’t something you typically see. Everyone pees, usually multiple times a day, but we so rarely get to see other people doing it! When you’re “not supposed to” see something, that can be easily turned into at least a curiosity.

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J.P.: You have a bunch of tattoos. What are the stories behind them?

E.C.: My first tattoo was an ampersand on my wrist. I was 18, and didn’t think about it much.

My mom is a bookworm and enjoys books about religion, spirituality, mysticism, etc. My whole life, she had a book in our bookcase called Awakening Intuition; the birds on my left shoulder come from the cover of this book. The original cover has a human face coming out of the back of one of the birds, but when I was 18 I thought that was “too weird.” I kind of wish I got the face. I still like the tattoo.

My next tattoo session, I got two at once—the peony on my right shoulder and the ginkgo leaf on my left upper arm. The peony is just pretty, I don’t think every tattoo has to have a story or a meaning. Ginkgo trees are really incredible plants (from their history to their medicinal properties), and I have a few really nice memories involving ginkgo trees.

Then I got a little beetle on the other side of my arm. I have a friend whose nickname for me is “Bug.” We had a road trip together to Portland, Oregon to take care of some business, and while there he and I got matching beetle tattoos. Beetles are one of the best bugs, for sure.

Early in our relationship, my fiancé brought my along on a last-minute business trip to Los Angeles. I suggested we get matching tattoos—he has several with his best friend and I’d just gotten my bug, so it wasn’t that wild of an idea. We take a lot of pictures of each other on Instant film (Polaroid and Instax), so we got a little traditional style hand holding an Instax print with a heart in it. Mine is on my right thigh.

I have a jackalope wearing a Hawaiian shirt on my left thigh! I was getting some film developed and had a while to wait so I was walking around the area. I saw a sign in a tattoo shop that said “Walk-Ins Welcome”, so I told my followers on Snapchat and Twitter, “If someone sends me $100, I’ll get a tattoo right now.” I was surprised when someone actually sent it! I didn’t have anything in mind, so I asked the artist what he enjoys tattooing. He said he likes putting Hawaiian shirts on things. My first thought was a jackalope, and he gave me a really beautiful little bunny. I enjoyed our session and his work so much, he did my next two!

I had a very sweet client send me some money toward another tattoo, and I was going to get a rose but decided last minute it was not for me, opting instead for my daisy chain on my right upper arm. It doesn’t have any more story than that, and it is probably my favorite tattoo! I think it is so cute!

I have a poppy flower on my left forearm. It is from the dress I was wearing when I got engaged.

Over time, I’m planning on having full Garden of Eden-themed sleeves. My next tattoo is a snake wrapped around my left arm, by the same artist as my last three!

J.P.: You have more than 66,000 followers on Twitter. Clearly social media is a huge component of your success. But how huge? And what are the right ways vs wrong ways for people in your business to utilize the Internet?

E.C.: Social media is currently completely necessary for me to run my business. The ability to reach so many people can really make the difference. Out of 66,000 followers, maybe 1 percent will actually become clients. I almost exclusively use Twitter. To my understanding, Twitter and Reddit are the only “big name” social media sites that allow nudity and pornography. Instagram is notorious for deleting accounts of adult entertainers, even if everything is censored. Just the “implication of nudity” is enough to delete sometimes years of work, years of building up a following.

I’m sure there are a lot of ways to successfully utilize the Internet in “my business”; I can only speak from my experience. I think that perseverance and patience are really important. There’s a lot of figuring things out by trial and error. It can take a long time to figure out what you enjoy doing. Then, you have to figure out how to make other people care about it. Then you have to figure out how to get people to pay you for it! There are a lot of steps, it isn’t going to happen overnight! Even then, there is an element of luck involved. The right people seeing the right post at the right time.

As far as “wrong ways” go … don’t use social media as a competitive arena. I don’t view fellow online adult entertainers as competition, they are colleagues. Many of them are friends. We help each other emotionally and financially. There is a strong support network in the community if you know where to look!

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• You have an beautiful voice. Do you have any dreams of a recording career? Have you tried?: No, I get too nervous. I just sing for fun.

• Rank in order (favorite to least): Keith Morrison, the smell of peppermint, the New York Knicks, red wine, Ernest Hemingway, ancient Egyptian ruins, texting while driving, Microsoft Word, John Lennon, taxes: Ancient Egyptian ruins, the smell of peppermint, Microsoft Word, taxes, red wine, John Lennon, Ernest Hemingway, New York Knicks, texting while driving. Keith Morrison?

• Ever thought you were about to die in a plane crash? If so, what do you recall?: I’ve flown quite a bit in my life and I think I only had a problem with turbulence once. I’ve been awfully uncomfortable on planes, but no near-death experiences.

What was the inspiration behind your song “Virgo”?: I was couch surfing in Southern California. I was feeling jazzy and wanted to write something that would be easy to memorize.

 • Three things to know about your parents?: My mom majored in theology, is active in her church, and is proud of my work. My dad was a Mormon anthropological archaeologist, which is hilarious because anthropological archaeology directly disproves Mormon doctrine. They got divorced when I was 5 but my dad kept a shelf of my mom’s favorite books at his house the rest of his life.

I’m 20 years older than you are. What’s something I probably don’t understand about the modern 26-year old?: Meme culture—you’re probably doing memes wrong.

I think Usher is boring and lame. Tell me why I’m wrong: I have no arguments for or against.

• Does Cardi B’s history as a stripper at all encourage you to think sex workers might get more respect? Or is there no connection?: I don’t think there’s NO connection, I just don’t know enough to speak to what the connection may be. If the narrative is “You don’t get respect until you stop being a stripper and move on to other things” then that’s still lame.

Being serious—in your mind, what are the odds a Donald Trump pee tape exists somewhere?: Completely 50/50. Part of me thinks he isn’t that adventurous.

• What’s your earliest memory?: I am not completely sure if this is an earliest memory from real life, or one of my earliest memories of a dream. My dad was building an addition to our house and the balcony wasn’t finished but he could stand on it. I remember my mom coming out with me and the three of us looked at the sunset for a few minutes before going back inside.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Christy Berrie

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It started in high school.

She was a senior in social studies class, bored and indifferent and observant enough to see how her teacher responded to a low-cut T-shirt.

So she wore one again.

And again.

And again.

The result? An A for minimal work.

At that moment, Christy Berrie says she realized how easily manipulated men could be via sexuality. So, despite having attended college and studying microbiology and physiology, she thought it’d be wiser (and more enjoyable) to focus her professional life on selling sex. Not literally, mind you—but visions, sounds, fantasies, clips.

Which makes her a unique entrepreneur.

And a unique Quaz Q&A.

One can follow Christy on Twitter here.

Christy Berrie, you are the Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: In your bio you write, “I’ve been manipulating males since I was a teenager.” But what does that REALLY mean? Hell, we all manipulate from time to time, no? Is this real, or more business talk?

CHRISTY BERRIE: Growing up, I quickly learned there was no way I’d manipulate or get one past my mother. I was very much a “daddy’s girl” and got what I wanted from him each and every time. I don’t think that’s surprising as that’s how many girls are with their father. But as I got a bit older, into my teenage years, I quickly learned that many men would do silly things, even dangerous things for a woman’s attention. For instance, in high school I hated history class almost as much as I hated the teacher. But I saw right through him. I knew that years earlier he had an affair with a student so I knew there had to be some way I could pass my class with very little effort. Instead of sleeping with the old pervert, I remembered he complimented a shirt I was wearing on day after class. It was nothing special, just a plain, low cut v-neck T-shirt. I knew exactly why he liked it! So, all it took was v-necks and a desk close to his. I wasn’t even exceptionally nice to him, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of 18-year-old breasts. I couldn’t care less about watching videos on The Cold War or memorizing the order of our presidents, but that was an easy A class that year. My friends thought that was pretty naughty, but I always thought that was a harmless use of my sexuality.

J.P.: When you started doing web cam in 2014, you would masturbate on the screen. But I’m guessing that was often, if not always, pure acting. Like, I’m sure you’re not getting off to the schlub paying you $8 a minute. So—is that easy or hard? And what were the keys?

C.B.: It was definitely never the customer bringing me to orgasm! It was hard to read their one-handed typos and stay focused on making myself feel good, so ignoring a lot of the messages being sent helped. I’d usually zone everything else out, pretend the computer wasn’t in front of me and do my own thing. I think it’s important to still make yourself feel good and make the experience as pleasurable for yourself as you can because if you don’t and it’s all acting, all the time then the job gets old quickly! I was usually in the mindset of “I could be wiping someone’s ass in the ER right now.” That made it easier.

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J.P.: You were raised Mormon—which is, morally and behaviorally, a pretty huge departure from your gig. How did your religion impact your career? Your views on morality and sexuality?

C.B.: Christianity and FemDom have a lot in common! Dropping to your knees, questioning your morals, asking for forgiveness from someone who threatens you with punishments. I am a personal Jesus to lots of guys but this is much more fun than going to church.

I grew up in a household where sex really wasn’t talked about. The only sex talk I had as a teenager was, “Don’t have sex, you’ll get pregnant!” The Mormon church, like many other religions, tells children that sex is only for procreation when you’re married. As a young girl, I never had the daydreams about what my wedding dress would look like or my father walking me down the aisle, so I kind of always knew I wasn’t “waiting until marriage.” I don’t think I was ever really a “good” Mormon. I was scolded for wearing lipstick to church when I was 7-years old because it was “tempting” the boys. At 13, I had to have my mom bring me a long dress because the shorts I wore to “Young Women’s” night were too short. I always knew that morality to Mormons was much different than a lot of other religions. Most of my childhood friends were Catholic and none of them were denied caffeine or alcohol. There was no way my friends were going to hell just because they drank a Dr. Pepper. By 16, I kind of said “Fuck Mormon morals” and never went back to church. Instead of feeling ashamed I went the opposite direction. If they didn’t like my lipstick, I wonder how they’ll feel about my career now …

J.P.: Do you ever feel emotionally attached to customers? Do you ever break down the wall and talk real life stuff? Or is that a huge no-no?

C.B.: Webcamming in a chatroom let customers into a big part of my real life. When I first started out, I was online about six hours a day so customers knew a lot. They saw different parts of my home, they knew when my dog died, things like that. I gained several regulars who I was fairly comfortable talking about life with. I think that can take away from the “fantasy” for some, though. To some guys, seeing a dirty dish in my kitchen sink might take away from my domme persona since I should have a live-in slave cleaning up after me, every second of the day. It’s silly, but it’s money.


J.P.: You studied microbiology and physiology in college. You’ve worked myriad jobs. So—how did this happen? This gig?

C.B.: I’ve been interested in sex work for as long as I can remember. I had a friend whose older sister was a stripper and I thought she was a total badass. I had even searched “how to become an escort” while in college, but never really had the guts to do it. I had no idea getting naked online was a job until a doctor I worked with told me about it. Any time I wore my hair in braided pigtails, he joked that I must’ve just got done playing the school girl part on webcam. Of course, I went home and immediately searched “web cam girl” after work. I watched a few girls from time to time, amazed at how much they were getting paid for hanging out at home. Around that time, I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and was living on my own again. I had gotten used to a certain lifestyle with him, and knew I needed to make more money and before I knew it, I was sending my identification to MyFreeCams. The next night I was half naked online making $850 in about 5 hours.

J.P.: Last April there was a lengthy Washington Post story about financial domination, and how it’s exploded into a huge industry. But I don’t really get it. Why would someone send you money—for the right to send you money? What am I missing?

C.B.: One great thing about financial domination is that some people just don’t get it. The fact that some, maybe most people can’t wrap their heads around it makes it that much more exciting.

Some men just love to be used. Very rarely is the transaction as easy as “Fuck you, Pay Me” and that’s the end of the conversation.

Many “pay pigs” are looking for humiliation, and when you press the right buttons they send even more. Humiliation junkies tell me embarrassing things that they’d never tell anybody else. Other women would never talk to them again if they told them these fucked-up secrets and kinks. They pay to tell me, then they pay for me to use it against them.

There are also money slaves who get off on just sending money and being used for my own pleasure and profit. They want to lose control, forget about everything else and simply submit. They love to be told what to do, what to buy, how much to spend. In my experience these are men who are buying “Goddess Worship” types of clips and then sending hefty tributes after watching as a “thank you.”

For the most part there is some sort of communication and relationship between myself and my financial slaves. There are times when someone I’ve never spoken to will have an all night clip binge, then spend thousands more on tributes and gifts then never to be seen or heard again.

Some have control over their spending and some are addicted to the rush of spending way too much. Each of my financial slaves is different from the other but the one similarity they have is that they love to see me happy!

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J.P.: It seems like much of your business (maybe most) is illusion. You’re selling the ideas of sexiness, of servitude, of lust, of domination. But I’ll take a stab and guess you go to the bathroom, stub your toe, burp and fart and snore. So do you have to “become” someone/something when you’re doing a session? Like, is there a temporary transformation that you go through?

C.B.: Much of it is an illusion, which is why I usually film in the same couple of spots around my home. Like I mentioned earlier, some guys want to imagine that I have servants and slaves cleaning up after me, wiping my ass, and carrying me around on a pedestal all day. Besides that I don’t really have to turn into someone else. I have a strong personality that some guys in real life find intimidating. I also really do like nice, sexually inventive, somewhat submissive guys. So when I’m telling a customer to worship, it’s something I really would say in a real relationship. With that being said, there are also many customers who love the private-life kind of realness. If I have a cold, I know I can make money off of that now. I’ll record myself coughing, sneezing, and blowing my nose. I also have a returning customer who orders custom clips of me burping while wearing pretty lingerie.

J.P.: Craziest/weirdest request from your domme career? Lowest?

C.B.: I think most women in this career have had requests to mail shit or pee to a customer so I don’t even think that’s weird any more. My weirdest is probably sending someone my snot after recording a nose blowing clip. I packaged it up in a jar, threw in some used tissue and sent it off. I’m curious to know what he did with it and if he got sick from it.

I can think of a couple unfavorable requests. The bad ones usually involve someone else, like an unsuspecting wife or neighbor. I’ve had a lot of home wrecking requests that involve a husband cumming in his wife’s shoes or pillow. I’m not proud of it, but I have gone along with requests like that when I first started this job. As I found my own voice, I realized that it goes against femdom, or at least my own interpretation of it. Any woman, no matter who she is, is above filthy males.

The worst was someone requesting jerk off instructions while they fuck their dog. Those people don’t even get a reply.

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J.P.: You have clients you see in person. I’m sorta riveted—what is this like? Also, do you bring along security? Isn’t it sorta scary, going to meet these people? 

C.B.: I’ve met three of my clients in person. Each of them are financial slaves, not looking for any sort of sexual sessions. I got to know them pretty well beforehand either through Skype video calls or texting. I’m a good judge of character and neither of them ever made me think twice about meeting them. I’ve always met them in public places, with a friend somewhere near.

Although I’ve only met three, I’ve had hundreds of other requests to meet which I don’t think I’ll be doing.

J.P.: Donald Trump is president, and it feels like our nation is turning to dogshit. I mean, outside of the strictly political, there’s so much anger. And it’s raw. Does this impact your gig at all? Like, does more stress=more customers? Does it ever come up in your job?

C.B.: More stress definitely equals more spending. I don’t know if it’s politics that has brought me more customers but the spending has gone up, definitely. Porn is a way to decompress and forget everything else for a while, even I watch more porn when I’m stressed!

Very rarely are my pre-made clips political, but I get a custom request every now and then to bash someone for their political views. Last year, a customer requested I humiliate him for pretending he voted for Trump. He grew up conservative and lived in a red state, but he really voted for Hillary. He was too ashamed to let his friends and family know he voted for a woman. I made him send me a video of himself with “Hillary’s Bitch” written on his chest while sitting down on a huge dildo.

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• Rank in order (favorite to least): trophies, plastic cups, dirty feet, Michael Jordan, The Cure, Phil Niekro, “Stranger Things,” a slice of saudage pizza, Steve Young, MasterCard: Mastercard, dirty feet, Stranger Things, The Cure, sausage pizza, trophies, plastic cups, Michael Jordan, Phil Niekro, Steve Young

• One question you would ask Ken Griffey, Sr. were she here right now?: Who are you?? (I had to Google … not into sports!)

• Why “Christy Berrie”?: It’s a play on my real name. Pretty tough to figure out.

• Five things you hate about humanity: Social media addiction, tribalism, 24 hour news channels, gender reveal parties, small talk

• Five things you love about humanity: Humans invented the dog, medical advances, dance, space exploration, storytelling

• Who wins in a 12-round boxing match between you and Vanilla Ice? Me. He wouldn’t hit me. Look at me.:

• What’s the funniest request you’ve ever had in your gig?: Jerk off instruction video to the beat of David Bowie’s Rebel Rebel

• What do your folks think of your gig?: They don’t ask many questions. I’m sure they assume I’m doing hardcore incest porn.

• What are three things men generally don’t understand about women and sex?: Tough one since I always tell my partner what feels good and what I like. 1. Foreplay is a 24/7 job. Inside the bedroom foreplay is touching and kissing, outside of the bedroom foreplay is doing the dishes and mopping; 2. Don’t be afraid to ask “does this feel good?”; 3. This might just be me, but we don’t want marathon sex. I’ve had guys say they can fuck for three hours. NO! 20 mins and cum already!

• Is Eli Manning an automatic Hall of Famer in your eyes?: Only because he’s the cute brother.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Syren Rayna

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Anyone who visits this site (and, specifically, The Quaz) knows I have a Q&A thing for journalists, athletes, politicians and … sex workers.

Mostly Sex workers.

Is it because I’m a horny old man? Eh, not really. Is it because they’re overflowing with philosophical views on a world on the edge of crisis? Um, not exactly.

Truth be told, I dig Q&As with sex workers because they tend to be riveting people with out-of-this world back stories and a willingness to open up and explain (deeply) who they are and how they wound up in said profession.

Today, however, that’s not my motivation.

No, today’s guest is here because, well, I’m absolutely riveted by the rise of Stormy Daniels; the the way she emerged from fringe adult entertainer to this ubiquitous presence in our lives. There’s Stormy on 60 Minutes, on SNL, on CNN. She’s anywhere and everywhere and, as a result, her profession is regularly in the news.

Enter: Syren Rayna.

A trained hypnodomme with an apparently flourishing business, Rayna has opinions. Lots of opinions. On why people are so mean on Twitter. On why men send pictures of their penises. On Stormy’s emergence and Ichiro’s Hall of Fame chances.

One can follow Syren Rayna on Twitter here, and visit her website here.

With no delay, here is the 359th Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: How do you feel about all the exposure Stormy Daniels has been receiving? What I mean is, it’s the most exposure I can remember seeing for someone who works in the sex industry. Is that good for the profession? Bad? Is she a representative you’re comfortable with? Like?

SYREN RAYNA: I have only been following it a little bit but from what I saw I thought the way she handled the initial attacks was very impressive. She is well put together, intelligent, articulate, and classy. I am sure all of these traits as well as her being a stunner is what provided her the opportunity to show her fortitude and wit. But as we often see in this industry, as soon as the male’s ego is compromised attacks of some form on the female will usually ensue. I don’t think it has an impact on the profession one way or another really. Sex work as far as safety and how creative the workers need to be can be fragile but as an actual profession it is really hard to destroy. It has been around a very long time and as long as a desire for sex exists the profession will as well. It might take different forms but it will persist.

J.P.: So you identify yourself as a “trained hypnodomme.” But I’m not entirely sure what that means—or if others know what it means. So … what does it mean?

S.R.:  It means I spent many hours in a classroom learning how and why hypnosis works. It also represents the fact that I was unhappy with the amount of information presented to me because I was sure there had to be more (also, because I am a information junkie). I spent and extra 20 hours a week for about 6 months researching, reading, watching videos, listening to podcasts, and attending workshops and seminars to make hypnosis be as natural to be as breathing. You know how you don’t notice your breathing until someone says something about your breathing? Then suddenly you shift from unconscious breathing to conscious breathing. You just did. 🙂 I want(ed) my skills to be that good. I am also nationally certified in hypnosis and certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I am always learning.

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J.P.: I had a phone sex domme do this series a few years back, and when I asked her about erotic hypnosis she said—in unambiguous terms—it’s “a gimmick.” She said people enjoy it because they think it’s real. But that, truth be told, you can’t actually control someone via hypnosis. Especially from afar. You say?

S.R.: Ha!! I love this. Before I started this I talked to a phone sex Domme who told me “Hypnosis is easy … you just talk slow”. This is a big topic, so I will apologize now for the diatribe that is about to commence.

Hypnosis is very real. The way it works is often misunderstood. The idea is usually to remove the obstacles that is preventing a person from doing a thing they want to do. Woman wants to lose weight but won’t stop binging on treats at night. Ask her conscious mind why and she might tell you she doesn’t know she just craves it. Ask her subconscious mind why and you might find out that she is actually petrified of needing to deal with a ton of male advancements if she loses the weight that is keeping her safe. Well now you have a place to work. But that is not the arena we are working with.

Mind control using hypnosis is debated across the board. There are two schools of thought. The first being that the subconscious mind is built with safety features that keep you from doing anything that goes against your core beliefs. The second being that you can brainwash anyone into anything. I fall in the middle. There is proof that you can brainwash people into crazy things (look at cults), but the time and energy investment is more than most of us are willing to do.

So, in kink we meet in the middle. A client comes to me and says “I am into ______ and love to be brainwashed to do_______.” I, then, use actual hypnosis to play with the “want to do a certain thing”… even if that thing is to feel out of control. Sometimes the hypnosis is to plant a trigger like “become insanely aroused anytime you see the color red” or it can be used to to break down unwanted shame that we have around out kinks. It is a mix of role playing and legit hypnosis with me depending on the scene and the client.

I have seen very little of other girls work in this field because once you see it you can’t unsee it and I don’t want to impact my style; but I can tell you that just rubbing your tits and calling it hypnosis is probably more role playing than hypnosis (and technically the correct term for that is “fixation,” same as spirals). Furthermore, for the girls who are not trained and just do that….GREAT!! Because social conditioning and expectation plays a huge part in it all. So if their client thinks that works for them, it probably does. Keep doing it.

J.P.: We DMed briefly about the modern world of social media and sex work, and you mentioned the raw meanness of people. So how do you deal? React? Do you respond when people are rude? Cruel? Do you take it personally? Care at all?

S.R.: I am in the process of growing a very thick skin. Most of it I let roll off of me. Sometimes it bugs me because I have a strange need not to let people just get away with things and I can be a tad vindictive when I get angry. I am actively working on correcting this behavior in myself. I also have a support structure that is my lifeline and a total blessing to me. I have a small group of online Dommes who I am very close to. These girls are my family. We share a lot with each other. I have some of them on speed dial. Lol. We support and coach each other through the rough patches … and share sexy photos in the good patches (entendre intended). I am also lucky enough to be safe to be out to my partners and my family. If something hurts I have people who will, usually, tell me that it is not worth my energy. Lol.

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J.P.: You also said men send you penis pictures. I wrote a biography of Brett Favre, the famous quarterback who once dick shot and sent to a female reporter. I wonder—why do you think men do this? 

S.R.: If I had a quarter for every dick pic I have seen I could retire. LOL. This is another topic that branches out a bit. I think there is many things at play.

First, the anonymity of the internet. They don’t see the person as a person. It is a username and a screen. So, who cares? They will just get their kicks and the consent of the other party doesn’t matter to them.

Second, it is the exposure of it. They are attention whores and want to be seen and/or acknowledged. Even if it is to lash out at them for violating you. They are still getting the attention.

Lastly, it is a power trip. They are removing the person who is receiving the photos right to consent. Just like flashing someone in public. Because this has happened so much in many countries (USA, UK, and Canada I believe) it is now possible to file a police report with the information you have and if caught it is a crime punishable under the same measures as flashing as if they were to do it in person.

J.P.: You have a degree in graphic design. You’ve worked myriad jobs in myriad fields that don’t sound overly enrapturing (insurance, medical, transportation, user research). So—how did this happen? This gig?

S.R.: I got bored. Story of all of my gigs is I go from ground floor to running the show in a short period of time. I work very hard at everything I do but when it stops being a challenge or stops making me grow I get bored. So I was working too hard and too much and my partner said, “You would be good at hypnosis, you already are good at manipulation.” I had been interested in behavioral psychology for years and thought this would be a good way to explore that. I was also spending time with some Dommes and getting into the kink world more and more so it made sense to combine the two. Plus, it is much harder to get someone to pay you to make them stop eating their beloved ice cream if they are not a masochist.

 J.P.: There was recently a lengthy Washington Post story about financial domination, and how it’s exploded into a huge industry. But I don’t really get it. Why would someone send you money—for the right to send you money? What am I missing?

S.R.: Oh, the joys of kink. If it is not your kink it is so hard to understand. Financial submissives usually have a couple of driving factors that give them pleasure inside of that kink. Masochism plays a big part. They suffer and go without so that their Domme can have what she wants. They are rewarded by her happiness and they get off on their suffering. There is also a little edge play and fear play that comes in there. They don’t know if she will break them. Will they make bills? Will they have to live on Top Ramen for the rest of the month so she can have pretty things. The suffering is the joy.

Another aspect is more like worship. Think of the pretty girl in high school. The popular cheerleader. Now think of the geeky boy who wants to date her. She laughs at him. But, he is there and wanting so she says, “Buy my lunch” and he does. He gains a bit of attention from this girl who would otherwise be ignoring him. Now a pattern is established. Buy her things=get attention. And, if she knows anything about behavior modification she will randomize his rewards causing the addiction to her to grow.

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J.P.: It seems like much of your business (maybe most) is illusion. You’re selling the ideas of sexiness, of servitude, of lust, of domination. But I’ll take a stab and guess you go to the bathroom, stub your toe, burp and fart and snore. So do you have to “become” someone/something when you’re doing a session? Like, is there a temporary transformation that you go through?

S.R.: I rarely snore. It wakes me up if I do. Lol. I think some of us have to become something every day in any job. The CEO that is a needy, groveling, Syren addict is also not that at work (unless I am teasing him and making it hard to focus). I think the things I become in a session are all parts of me just with the volume turned up. The parts very from session to session.

I had someone once tell me I reminded him of the escorts (not sure if that was their occupation) in Star Trek. They would shift their personality to match the person they were with. Becoming the perfect compliment to that person. If they were with them for too long it would permanently imprint them with those traits. I chose to take that as a compliment.

Some of my guys are in love, some are in lust, some are under my spell and others are intrigued. I pride myself on my adaptation skills but it is all still me. I feed off them and their energy. This is why a good fit is more important to me than anything else.

At the end of the day I am a person, with a life and emotions, struggles, a stubbed toe, motion sickness, and all the other things that come with being human. Something that the online kink community struggles with, in my opinion, is thinking that a Domme or a sub can’t also be a human with needs or else it removes the magic. Here is the secret: the magic is in the relationship you create between each other. The connection. The Domme/sub part is the power exchange. It is the toy you both are sharing.

J.P.: Soup to nuts, how do you construct, compose and execute a recorded sessions? For example–your audio “Resist Me.” How long did it take to write? Where do you write? Where did the idea come from? Where do the word choices come from?

S.R.: Each track is different. If I am inspired I will grab my laptop sit on my bed and pound out a four-page script in about an hour. I research special language patterns I might want to use in that time too. Then If it is not too late I will try to record it right away. Since this usually takes place around 2 am I don’t always have the voice to record at that time. Other times if the track is something I struggle with it can take me weeks to write it. I have one in the back of my mind now that I have been sitting on for a month because I just don’t know how I want to approach it yet.

“Resist Me” was built from a pattern used for polarity responders (people who subconsciously do the opposite of what you say). Many people were saying how they like to put up a fight and be overpowered that I thought it would be possible to take a pattern for people who don’t do it purposefully and use it on people who want to resist. It has been wildly popular and is probably my very favorite track. It was, hands down, the easiest one to write and record as I felt like it really had a it’s own audience.

J.P.: Donald Trump is president, and it feels like our nation is turning to dogshit. I mean, outside of the strictly political, there’s so much anger. And it’s raw. Does this impact your gig at all? Like, does more stress=more customers? Does it ever come up in your job?

S.R.: Actually, the only thing I have seen is some fear with the latest sex trafficking bill that passed. People are afraid it will be misused, abused and will make me and other sex workers just go away. But other than expressing that I have not seen the state of our political environment have an impact on my client base.

Stress, by the way is just a conflict between the way things are and the way you think they should be. I can’t change the way things are so I am left with either staying in a state of stress or changing the way I think about it. I try to choose to be empowered whenever possible.

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• Rank in order (favorite to least): French onion soup, winning, pantyhose, Mike Epps, Guns n Roses, Joe Niekro, cold brew coffee, a slice of warm apple pie, Roseanne, church: Cold brew coffee, winning, pantyhose (stockings are better), Mike Epps (“Gotta let that booty breath” – Fighting Temptations), French onion soupRoseanne, church, GnRwarm apple pieJoe Niekro (sorry Joe I am just not a sports fan, though I am sure you are lovely). [JEFF’S NOTE: He died in 2007]

• One question you would ask Jeanie Buss were she here right now?: What is the biggest challenge you have had to overcome and how did you manage it?

• Why “Syren Rayna”?: Siren because of the call of the sirens to the sailors. Their voices pulling them in. “Syren” because is a version of siren that I could easily use on all platforms and not worry about it being taken. Rayna is an alternate spelling of a name from a character in a book series that I love by Laurel K. Hamilton. She was a villain who was really well written and quite a horrible creature but her spirit ends up residing in the Protagonist of the story and is the catalyst to her becoming, basically, a succubus. (My dog is also named Nathaniel after a character in the book as well)

• Five things you hate about humanity: Its fragility, greed, that we are losing it to technology, when useless ego gets in the way, selfishness.

• Five things you love about humanity: Our compassion, our passion, our ability to express in artistic ways, our ability to feel and express emotions, and the entire concept of love.

• Who wins in a 12-round boxing match between you and Nancy Wilson from Heart?: Ommph … probably me. I have this thing where I despise giving up so I tend to push well past my body’s limits and just pay for it later. I sparred for three hours one time because the trainer was trying to push me into fatigue. It never happened. But given a choice I would rather go drinking with her than boxing. Just saying.

• What’s the weirdest request you’ve ever had in your gig?: Weird is hard to define because I don’t like to kink shame. I would rather say that the humor in making someone cluck like a chicken (because that’s what hypnotists do, right?) and then having them become obsessed with it to the point of needing to cluck to orgasm was a unique one.

• What do your folks think of your gig?: My mom is pretty sure the world is out to kill me … but to be fair she feels that way about my trips to the grocery store. Aside from regular check ins where I have to let her know I am not dead she is fine with it. She keeps threatening to join me in this arena. She is a pretty intimidating person for many … she could have a lot of fun. My step-dad is fine with it. He had a couple of questions and a few jokes but it was not really a big thing one way or another to tell my family. I am out to my entire family about what I do and who I am. I refuse to hide or pretend.

• What are three things men generally don’t understand about women and sex?: That it is a mental game more than a physical game. That effort is 9/10ths of the law and when you take shortcuts or just try to get done you send very clear signals that sex with her is a chore (even if that is not your intention). That rejection is not always about you.

• Is Ichiro an automatic Hall of Famer in your eyes?: I don’t really follow baseball, sorry.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Madam Violet

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If you’ve followed the Quaz through the years, you know my favorite subjects tend to be sports, politics, journalism and online sex workers.

Why sports? Because I’m a longtime fan-turned-observer.

Why politics? Because I’m a junkie.

Why journalism? It’s what I do?

And why online sex workers? Honestly—because of all the people I’ve had here, they’re routinely the most fascinating. Unlike jocks, they haven’t devoted their lives to singular (and oft-monotonous) endeavors. Unlike politicians, they have convictions. Unlike journalists, well, I’m a journalist. So I feel like I’ve heard a bunch of the ol’ stories.

I actually first reached out to Madam Violet, today’s magical 339th Quaz, a good while ago when I was searching for new subjects. It took a long while to get this done, but it was well worth the wait. As you can see the self-titled “femme fatale” is a producer of hypnotic videos and mp3s who lives in England, has an understanding boyfriend, loathes idiots and once had a complete stranger buy her a £1200 YSL clutch bag. And while I don’t actually know what that is—it sounds impressive.

One can follow Madam Violet on Twitter here and visit her website here.

Welcome to the 339th Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: So you identify yourself as a “Femme Fatale” and “clinically qualified in hypnosis.” But what, exactly, do you do? Like, what is your job?

MADAM VIOLET: My job is … hard to label. Primarily I make erotic hypnosis videos and mp3s. I come up with ideas, write the scripts, I do my makeup, I arrange the set, I film, I edit, I upload. On top of that I manage my social media, advertising, promotion. This is not hard work as such, but a lot of work. The hard work, I would say are the relationships I have with my subs/slave/addicts. I am an introvert and people for me are often draining; submissive men, ironically more so than any other ‘type’ of person I have met. But then this part can be the most rewarding, professionally, emotionally and financially.

I guess you could say I am a ‘dominant woman exploring her sexuality and female power through visual arts, and the minds and bodies of willing men’. Or Hypnodomme, if you’re in the scene.

My job is constant. This is the only ‘job’ I’ve had that comes home with me. It is me, there is no escape. It has been adjustment and I am still finding the balance. Ultimately most men are here to get off. That makes them selfish and at times abhorrent, and not all subs are actually
submissive. For every genuine submissive that contacts me, I’ll get 10, 20, 30 time wasters/ misogynists in disguise/entitled mummy’s boys/loser fantasists.

My ‘job’ (vocation is a better word) is awesome though. I love what I do and I love even more how much scope there is for more.

J.P.: I was scanning through your Twitter feed, and you’re not completely averse to making political/ social statements. Here in America Michael Jordan, the basketball star, once explained his non-political mojo by saying, “Republicans buy shoes, too.” Do you at all worry about turning off potential customers by making your leanings public?

M.V.: Actually I don’t post very much politically at all. I think the first time was Brexit. In that instance I don’t care if someone is put off by my views. I have conviction and faith that I am not a moron, which is more than I can say for strangers on the Internet. So if my views offend you, I have to assume you are the moron. Being a ‘Domme’ means I get to be more of the real me than I ever could in a clinical or corporate setting. Unless you’re offering me something of value in my life I couldn’t give a shit what you think about me, or what you think in general. It is none of my business.

I do not care what a man ‘believes’ if he is simply buying my files. It is none of my business. But I would not want a man to serve me if he could not at least respect my opinion, I wouldn’t want his money either. Money is not the be all and end all. Being able to sleep at night because I’m not beholden to idiots is higher on my list.

In the UK (maybe it’s a bit different now with how shit things are) politics just isn’t a big deal, not like it is in America. It is not as extreme—I mean you guys debate thing like guns and abortion, the death penalty! All of our political parties are pretty much the same; really terrible and terribly boring/ moronic/cowardly.

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J.P.: How did this happen for you? And I don’t mean the ol’ “I’ve always had a sway over men blah blah blah.” I mean, business-wise, what made you think, “Here’s a way I can make money?”

M.V.: Doing what I do is the culmination of lots of seemingly unconnected beliefs, daydreams, expectations and timing. When I was a kid I realized that if I could get 1 million people to give me a pound, I would be a millionaire. It always struck me how easy that sounded. I thought about it a lot. (this maybe came from watching the collection during Mass every Sunday, people just giving their money away for some ‘idea’.) That mentality has always stuck with me. I know that sounds like a bullshit cliche, but it its true, and I know this ‘free and easy’ mentality I have always had about money has driven my success.

Another cliche—I have known for a long time that men will do anything. If you give them the slightest hint (breasts) they may be in with a chance. In my experience men are easy to persuade, so why not persuade a rich man to give me one million in one go? So when my marriage ended the two beliefs kind of merged. I suddenly had this heartbreak, and then ‘fuck it’ mentality. I didn’t know how, but I knew I was going to use my wily, sexy ways to get me some bank, and have a shitload of fun doing it. Having been monogamous forever it seemed, I wanted sex, and I wanted money, and travel, and frivolity. I wasted a lot of time in a shit marriage so now it would be about me.

I typed ‘sugar daddy’ into the internet and found men seeking arrangements. That was the beginning. After a few online-only interactions I realised the obvious—I was not sugar baby material. I am not a baby for a start, and I will never call you ‘Daddy’ (gross). I will never pander to your whims or needs. I will point out, politely, every time you are wrong, I will never laugh at your shit jokes or stroke your ego and if you come anywhere near me with that tiny penis (barely visible over your hairy pillowy belly) I will punch you in the throat. But if you could just leave your money over there, far away from me, that would be marvellous!

This inherent attitude led me to financial domination. I was dabbling and still working on my vanilla therapy practice, making OK money on the side from financial submissives. Then I was told by a sub—I still remember his name—about femdom hypnosis, and the women who use hypnosis and mental conditioning to control men. That was when the light went on in my head, here was a way to combine my brain and my body, my intellect and my sexuality doing two things I truly love; hypnosis and messing around with male egos …

I believe things work out exactly as they are supposed to. The end of my marriage combining perfectly with the fact I don’t have issues with sex, or my sexuality, it is a huge part of life. I don’t have issues with money. Like it or not our society is based around it. I don’t have any issues with taking advantage of a man’s sexuality, it is what men have been doing to women for thousands of years. Men didn’t just take our property, we were the property (up until really recently, too. How quickly they forget…).

J.P.: How much of this business is based upon perception? What I mean is—you go to the bathroom, you have gas, you probably fidget and curse and stumble. You’re human. But is there a need to present a fantasy? Is that sort of the game?

M.V.: Of course there is the aspect of ‘fantasy,’ but how many people fart or pick their noses in front of their (newish) partners? I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years and there is still no evidence he shits. Either he has fairies that take his poo away in the night or he is ‘hiding’ this part of himself from me because it is not conducive to our relationship. Is it really deception to keep some things hidden, or is it not simply sensible?

I could probably make good money for farting on cam, or blowing my snotty nose. But no, that just feels wrong. ‘Madam Violet’ would never burp the alphabet. I might, though. I am human, a contradiction; I can be sophisticated and clumsy, I can be eloquent and sweary. It depends where I am, who I am with. I can control myself, show only one side of myself. We all do this in ‘real life’ every day.

Madam Violet —is ‘me’, just a ‘polished’ version of me. A part of me. A more calculated version of me. Still real, but more focussed, more exaggerated. I don’t go around IRL being all mysterious and sexy and staring into the eyes of men as I squeeze my tits together to get what I want (unless I am drunk). And we share the same morals and standards. For example I am not into the typical ‘homewrecking’ fetish, so don’t ever slag your wife off to me, you are lucky to have one.

I am a dominant, powerful, sexual woman who has a way with men and words is all real every day shit. Just toned down … a touch.

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J.P.: What’s your background in hypnosis? How does it work here? How much of it is fantasy v. reality?

M.V.: Firstly, hypnosis completely ‘works.’ It blows my mind how many people think it’s a load of rubbish. It shows how uneducated so many still are with regards to their own mind, their own power and that makes me sad!

I have a diploma in Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapy and Neural Linguistic Programming, I am also and EFT practitioner and Reiki Master, and I have a diploma in Reflexology and Pathology. I did a lot of fertility work, hypnotic gastric bands, self esteem and phobia/anxiety, pain management. I offered a holistic practice in which I genuinely wanted people to become the best of who they are; to just be happy, healthy, empowered.

I had a lot of very serious and complex cases. I know my clinical training and experience means I am very effective in the femdom arena. I combine ‘real’ hypnosis with femdom themes typically an induction, a deepener and then the femdom programming.

Through my clips and mp3s my subs and slaves achieve vey profound states of deep trance. Many feel and recognize actual change occurring personality wise, and more temporary effects—memory loss, time distortion and wonderful gooey, blissed out full body feeling of deep relaxation … they enjoy the loss of control, the feelings of being overpowered, used and manipulated. It is intimate and sensual and erotic, and powerful. To give up control, to have it taken, to wield it … it is an incredible experience for the sub and myself.

With hypnosis you can go anywhere— you can simply de-stress, you can find inner peace, feel pain or deep pleasure, you can even grow breast tissue using hypnosis. The limits are your imagination and your wiliness to go there.

J.P.: Why are men so much more into [fill in the blank with phone sex, strippers, hookers, etc] than women? I’ve gotta think you’ve pondered this one. Is it a gender flaw? A gender perk?

M.V.: I have pondered it and written about it many times. My conclusion is that men’s stupidity when it comes to their penis is an evolutionary device. An average man can kill a woman with his bare hands. You are bigger and stronger than us, unfairly so. But you have one little thing that dramatically levels the playing field, and it conveniently dangles between your legs. It means that ultimately (for the civilized) women rule men. Behind every powerful man … is a woman screaming at him to put the goddamn seat down when he’s finished. And you put up with it because you want sex. And so continues the human the race. Women are also far more sexually self-sufficient.

J.P.: Every profession comes with a crazy money story; that story you’ll be telling to friends for years. So … what’s yours? The craziest/weirdest, funkiest story from your career?

M.V.: My career is relatively new, but I guess it depends on who your audience is. My boyfriend is on a ‘normal’ salary so what I earn month to month still blows his mind. With some friends I have learned not to talk about it all. There is a kind of guilt there, they work ‘hard’ jobs and I’m perceived to do nothing much. In reality I work really hard, too—the difference is I love what I do so maybe it doesn’t appear like work to the outside.

I remember my first-ever gift card. It was for 30 pounds. At that point I had perspective so it was a massive rush. It felt like a lot of money. From a complete stranger. For no tangible reason. I could get that million way quicker than I thought. Yeah, you never forget your first. Ha.

I always forget that I took over £4,000 in about a month from my first finsub, and this was only a few weeks into my new ‘career’ and I still wasn’t showing my face. To a ‘vanilla’ person having a complete stranger send you a £50 Amazon gift card would be crazy, £4,000? People can’t handle that. It really polarises them.

One man I didn’t know contacted me for permission to cum, so I told him to buy a £1200 YSL clutch bag assuming he would slink off into the land of fake finsubs, but he bought it. Straight away. I told him he could cum, and I never heard from him again. Sweet! Sexy, simple, easy and it’s a story friends love because it’s so stupid. Imagine a woman paying a man she’s never met over a grand just for permission to cum. It’s hilarious! Men bring it all on themselves.

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J.P.: How has Twitter impacted your profession? And has social media made chatrooms obsolete?

M.V.: Oh, Twitter. Twitter takes up far too much of my time. I don’t get paid for Twitter, and yet I spend a disproportionate amount of time on there. It is something I am working on changing. I have never been a fan of social media. I have never had a Facebook account or Instagram, personally or for work until now. Twitter and I have a tolerate/hate kind of relationship.

I have a good interaction with my subs, though. My ‘likes’ to followers ratio is a good one. I like to talk to people when I know they are listening. If that makes me entitled or spoiled, so be it.

Twitter is a rabbit hole of noise and stress, I often have to mute conversations and people just because my tolerance for drama is really low. I have teeth marks in my phone and both sets off knuckles from all the times I have wanted to reply or comment on something I have seen on Twitter or Tumblr or YouTube. IRL I am always the one to say ‘woah, hang on a minute …’ yet online I keep my mouth shut.

Online is not an accurate reflection of real life; online is meaner and dumber. And bottom line—you just cannot argue with stupid. Unless you want to go insane. So I keep out of it all as much as I can, not because it is bad for business but because I value my sanity. Twitter has done wonders for my self control

I think real connections are rarer these days. Being connected globally and instantly is so good, but it is so bad, too. In my ideal world twitter does not exist.

J.P.: You have a boyfriend. You have, I’m guessing, parents, siblings, etc. How do they feel about your profession? Is it openly discussed? Do you share stories?

M.V.: My boyfriend thinks what I do is awesome. He is the type of man who loves the fact his girlfriend gets attention. He is not threatened by it, or by the money I make. He is proud of me. We see a lot of his parents and siblings—some know, some don’t. I honestly don’t know what they think as I do know that people rarely tell you what they really think. My job involves sex and money—two of the most divisive and controversial subjects. You link the two together and you’ve got a really touchy subject. We don’t really talk about it ever. They would never ask ‘How’s work going?’ like you would someone with a ‘normal’ job.

Stereotypically, English people are so uptight and secretive about their own sex life and their money, they just do not want to talk about those things. Sex is naughty, getting your tits out is downright rude, possibly slutty, and we may masturbate but we do not talk about it! For that reason his mum and dad do not know what I do. They think I am still a clinical hypnotherapist—which technically I am as I still have a handful of vanilla therapy clients ….

Then I have friends who knew me before Madam Violet. They think it’s mental but brilliant. They think it’s the perfect job for me. They’re proud of what I have a achieved, they love hearing my stories and it’s fun shocking them.

Generally I keep it to myself because people cannot help but judge, mostly negatively, and I do not want the drama, or the awkward silences and passive aggressive comments. I told my plumber once, and he said he thought it was brilliant. He didn’t have a problem with it all. In fact he said he used to ‘date a lass who got her tits out for work and I was totally cool with it. I only dated her a year though as obviously I couldn’t marry her …’

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Why Madam Violet?: Why not.

Ever thought you were about to die in a plane crash? If so, what do you recall?: Yes repeatedly, only ever briefly, mere seconds. I always think of the book Survivor by James Herbert. Would I rather die, or be the only survivor yet be haunted by the demented disfigured remains of the other victims…? It is only ever a brief flash of thought though – just so happens to be every time there’s even mild turbulence.

Rank in order (favorite to least): Iced coffee, raccoons, McDonald’s, Joe Biden, “Love Actually,” Posh Spice, Clyde Drexler, Wolverhampton, Rubik’s Cube, Snoop Dogg: Iced coffee, McDonalds, Snoop Dogg, racoons, Posh Spice, Rubiks Cube, Wolverhampton (as in the UK…? I presume not!), “Love Actually” (ugh), Joe Biden (not 100% sure who he is, some kind of politician?), I had to look up who Clyde Drexler is, too…

One question you would ask Rebecca Lobo were she here right now? 
Who are you? Then after a quick Google search—what size are your feet? Maybe not, that’s quite rude.

Three memories from your first-ever date? 
We don’t really go on dates in England. We get drunk down the pub and then if we’re lucky we get a kebab and if he’s lucky a shag.

In exactly 17 words, make an argument for the music of MadonnaMadonna has done at least two really good songs that can, at times, be good to hear.

What’s the general take of America these days in England?: I don’t really talk about America with people who aren’t American, so I have no idea! Personally, because of moves/TV as a kid the U.S used to fill me with wonder and awe. Now I’m an adult it scares me. Some of your laws are crazy—guns?! Death penalty?! The president is an ego driven, hateful moron; a big joke. Sad! Buuuuut your TV shows are the best, lots of states have legalized weed and you can get alcoholic iced tea … soooooo ...goooooo USA!

What are the top three things men screw up when it comes to understanding women?: 1. They don’t try to understand women in the first place.
 2. Or thinking all women are the same and can be understood ‘collectively,’ like a type of breed. 3. Or thinking we are difficult to understand because fundamentally we are ‘different’ to you. Are we? Or are we different because you treat us that way?

Would you rather lick the entire floor of your nearest coffee shop or spend a week locked in a room with Donald Trump?
: Donald! I would never ever lick the floor, not even for a million, and I would pay to be in a room with that man for a week. Psychopaths are fascinating, plus I’d love to fuck with his head.

I don’t really get the appeal of Batman. You?: I don’t feel it, but I do get it.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Goddess Alexa

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So anyone who knows me knows I love using the Quaz to talk three primary topics:

  1. Journalism.
  2. Death.
  3. Sex

But not just sex, per se. Sex employment. Sex working. Sex philosophy. It started six years ago with Quaz No. 33, when Jenny DeMilo came to this space and not only spoke openly about her work, but became someone I now consider a good friend. So, here we are again, with my first sex worker in quite a while.

“Goddess Alexa” (as she refers to herself professionally), however, is no run-of-the-mill sex worker. She’s a professional Domme who, eh … um … sits on people. Their faces. With her butt.  It’s the quirkiest of quirky enterprises, made all the more unique by her worldliness, understanding of geo-politics and potential future as an electrical engineer.

Today, Alexa discusses a crumbling planet, refusing to shit in a jar for dough and finding a boyfriend who embraces the gig. One can follow Alexa on Twitter here and visit her website here.

Goddess Alexa, you are the 332nd Quaz.

JEFF PEARLMAN: You’re known as the “Face Sitting Queen,” which seems like a really, um, quirky thing to build a reputation upon. So why face sitting? How did that happen? “

GODDESS ALEXA: I’m damn good at it! I’m pretty petite but I’ve always had a nice and plumper-than-average booty. My butt has literally been recognized by strangers as I’ve walked off an elevator, walked by in a restaurant, and in videos without them seeing my face first. So being so petite, having the nice butt and coming off nonchalant because I do it so effortlessly, lol … I grew a fanbase pretty quickly of normal fans, producers and models alike. I’ve given tips and advice to men who wish to have their wives/girlfriends do it to them, producers to tell their models. People would just watch my videos, enjoy it, talk about it … and eventually I just started getting called the “Face Sitting Queen” and being introduced to other models and producers like, “This is Alexa, the Face Sitting Queen.”

J.P.: You don’t seem anxious to ruin people, publicly humiliate them. Doesn’t that go against some Internet sex credo?

G.A.: Well the truth is, I’m more into going with the flow of whatever I feel like at the time and most of the time, I just don’t need to do all of that. My style is more like effortlessly devious and sexy and I know it, so that confidence makes me even even sexier. That’s why people love my face-sitting and handjob videos so much, because I do them so effortlessly. However, I do taunt, torturously tease, ruin and humiliate my personal slaves, and that’s because they went through the process to be granted such attention from me. Yes, even when being humiliated and ruined, they must deserve that kind of attention from me.


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J.P.: You’re a college student with the ultimate goal of becoming an electrical engineer. And I wonder—do you at all worry this stuff might follow you? Your pictures are everywhere; videos of you sitting on faces. Do you worry about an employer one day seeing this, or your 5-year-old daughter seeing this?

G.A.: I don’t worry about that. I don’t ever want to bear children. I work great with kids, understand them and speak to them very well. I’m the eldest sibling to seven brothers and sisters, and I actually raised one of them myself so I know what it feels like to be a parent. I was a better parent to my youngest sister, who’s now 12, than the average American parent is to her own child. My 21-year-old brother and 22-year-old sister have no problem with what I do, they don’t find it bad. In fact they find it interesting and entertaining, and the only thing they have ever cared about is that I’m happy and safe from the crazies (because I’ve had stalkers before).

As for my engineering pursuit, If an employer has an issue with the (consensual, responsibly carried out) things I’ve done and do, when a person is so much more than their job, then I wouldn’t want to work with them. I’m not just a dominatrix, I’m an intelligent-compassionate-strong-tactical-kind-loving human being. Treating a person as anything but what they are as a whole is just nonsensical and they wouldn’t be good enough in my mind to work with. The world doesn’t have any more room for bigotry or prejudice, so I don’t even like to associate myself with people like that even if they can give me something I want.

The things on the Internet are always going to be there. Most people who know I’ve done porn and am still shooting as a dominatrix are usually fascinated with what I do. I’m an aspiring electrical engineer, yes. But not because I want to go get a job in the field. It’s to have the knowledge. I simply want the knowledge to know how things work, to build what I want to build and make it work. If I do decide to work with any companies, it will be to build things that help communities, save nature or animals. It would be for something stronger than monetary gain, so naysayers can kiss the ground I walk on.

J.P.: Why are men so pathetic? It’s a weird question, but it’s sorta haunting. There are 100,000 male-oriented strip clubs for every Chippendales thing. We go to hookers, we buy porn, on and on and on. What is it about us?

G.A.: You know, I’ve often wondered this same exact question myself! Neither philosophy nor science can answer this question with enough accuracy.

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J.P.: How does your family feel about this line of work? Do they know? Are they confused? Celebratory?

G.A.: My family members don’t mind it at all. I’ve never been one to follow the conventional way of living. I began modeling only a few weeks after I turned 18, because my mom got me into it. She went to modeling school when she was a teenager and thought it would be a good idea to get me into it since I lived in a tiny town and wanted to get the hell out.

At age 21 I got into the vanilla mainstream porn industry and my family wasn’t really a fan of it. They were worried for my safety because I was in Los Angeles so often … traveling, being around strangers so often. But they didn’t treat me different as a person. When I completely switched to fetish work instead of mainstream vanilla, though, they didn’t feel the same about it. I mean that in a good way. The only thing they cared about was my safety, but now they ask me questions with intrigue instead of fear—which is cool.

My siblings think, “Hey, you’re not doing anything wrong and you get to make your own schedule and be who you are. So go for it!” Normal civilian jobs come with such sucky things like assimilation, dressing the same and acting the same, unfair wages, unequal pay between the sexes. My family know that If I went for a normal job here in America, I would be unhappy and outraged and most likely end up protesting my own job. I’d totally work with a company/organization/business if they were ethical, just and equal.

J.P.: What’s your money story from domme work? Like, the batshit craziest/weirdest/most unique experience you’ve had.

G.A.: I’ve had some craziness, some nastiness and some weirdness. The nastiest is probably the scat fans. LOL. They known they’re nasty kinky pervs too. I had a fan who was so into me, my ass, my facesitting that he wanted to purchase a scat jar. Scat is literal crap. He wanted to pay me to ship him a whole jar filled with it! Plus, fly me and my boyfriend out to Hawaii for a week to see me once a day and eat whatever crap I expelled. He wanted to pay to feed me to my heart’s content to ensure he would get to eat plenty. I was a bit meh about it and didn’t want to do it for so many days so we didn’t go.

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J.P.: Your boyfriend and his penis star in many of your videos. Um, that’s a sentence I’ve never before written. So how did you meet? How did you explain this to him? And is he at all concerned about future ramifications?

G.A.: My boyfriend loves when we get asked this story. It’s like a movie. So when I got into the industry, I pressed upon my agent to get me shoots out of state. Within three months, I received a week’s worth of paid shoots in South Florida, which is where my boyfriend is from and my little brother and stepmom live. So I traveled from California to Florida and stayed in a hotel with some other new models I was going to shoot with. The first girl I was roomed with was my complete opposite—she was a loud obnoxious party girl who would bring guys over to the room, snort coke and try to throw parties even though we had very early call times. I did my shoots and the week was over I decided to stay in Florida.

About a month later I was with a different roommate. She didn’t do drugs and try to have parties in our room like my previous roomie, but she desired so much attention from me. I had been seeing this guy on weekends and hanging out with this girl I met one night while out dancing with this guy I was seeing, so my roomie was jealous. She kept trying to get me to not hang out with him and that girl; to choose her instead.

I started to hang out with him less and with my roomie more. One day she wanted to go shopping before going away for a trip so I went with her to the mall. While there I drifted off away from her into a cell phone store. I wanted a new phone. After a few minutes I was about to walk out when my roomie walked in and began talking to the employees in there. She knew them. Openly she introduced me to them as Alexa, “my friend who does porn.” I sooo rolled my eyes when she did that.

She introduced two of them to me—both guys—and she pointed to one of them and whispered, “We fucked. But, shhh, because he’s married.” Then someone asked about our job, and the other guy (who’s now my boyfriend) said a disk comment—”They lay on their backs all day. Haha.” I made it clear I wasn’t pleased and he apologized. Later he sent me a text, again apologizing. I responded a few days later, and from there we had a sort of texting emoji battle, to see who could send the best emoji text and he sent me a picture of a view from Twin Peaks in San Francisco.

About 1 1/2 months later the two of us went to the beach. We had a great time that day and went out for lunch a few times after, then a few dinner dates, and then one night he asked me to be his girlfriend. He knew I did porn but I told him I would stop. One night we were just laying down after eating some pastries and watching Archer, and I turned to him and said, “I’m going to stop doing porn. No more hardcore stuff.” He knew that even though I was in the industry and there’s a stereotype about women who do porn, I’m nothing like that stereotype. So instead of being controlling, insecure, weird or abusive, he was willing to learn, understand and trust me.

About a year later I was in the fetish world and have been in it since. As far as ramifications go, he’s along the lines that I am. We don’t enable bigotry or prejudice. An employer would be more wise to look past the content and see his vast resume, education, clean record and that the mouth he has on him could practically sell a house to a homeless person. He’s someone any employer should hire. Plus what he does is harmless to himself, me and anyone watching.  It’s like I said to his sister the first time she found out about what we do—”What a young man does with his penis and a consenting adult is none of your business. And making it your business is odd. You should get that checked out.”

J.P.: Do you at all worry about the third wall? What I mean is, away from this life you’re just this young student with cats and a vegetarian lifestyle. Your Amazon wishlist has a bunch of sexy stuff, but also flashlights, sunglasses, a camera lens. If people find out too much about who you are away from the façade, does it at all ruin the fantasy?”

G.A.: Nah, not at all. Just like any other specialist in the entertainment world, our fans only feel closer to us and get more into us when they find out personal things like that. My fans specifically are pretty aware of who I am in my personal life, being that I’ve mixed it with my professional life quite a bit. I have often spoken out about healthy eating, animal rights, women’s rights, rights in general. I’ve posted quite a few videos, gifs and photos of my cats; even talked about them with other Dommes publicly over twitter. Sometimes a cat photo gets as many favorites as a selfie of me!

I’m a mix of different strokes, and different folks like different strokes. Actually, almost every pro Domme I’ve ever met is similar to me. Most of us are more observant than boisterous, able to stand just as strong alone as we do among a group of beautiful friends, are pretty intelligent. We’ve mostly taken some form of dance at some point in our lives, like to relax in the sun with a mixed drink more than go to a club, and have a longstanding committed relationships and pets who we like to relax next to, especially after a day of making videos. Some are lifestyle Dommes only, they don’t perform in videos, some are video Dommes, some are even just Instadommes, like wannabe “femdommes” on twitter or instagram and then some are lifestyle and video Dommes together. Naturally, I’ve always been more dominant mentally and sexually in my demeanor with people. I’ve never felt that being dominant means being mean, hardened, dark or unfeeling.

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J.P.: Earlier today Donald Trump just unleashed another Twitter tirade. Random question, but what do you think about the president? How did this happen?

G.A.: Well, I know what I feel, and that is anxiety-worry-irritation-outrage. I constantly find myself thinking, faaaccckk!!!! Will any peace-loving, intelligent and patient aliens come to earth to help our species because the world has seriously messed up. Again. How did this happen? Well, science says that when people don’t get proper food, don’t grow up in a stable and safe home, don’t get treated with love and respect … that it is the mathematical formula for shitty people who are more of burdens on society than good.

Mix that with all of the various click bait articles to rile people up, unjust laws, lack of persecution of murderers and rapists, a society that on average knows more about the Kardashians than the crimes being done against us on a daily basis, over-consumerism and the ever growing greed of capitalism … well thats how this happened.

J.P.: According to your website, you once made $3,320 for flashing your bare ass for 30 seconds, 14 times. Um, what? Story, please?

G.A.: That was a fun time. I have a fan who is an ass addict, doesn’t really do much with his money and his wife has a flat ass. So he gets off on spending his cash on cam, in a private chatroom one on one being teased. So the game was, he tributes me the amount I say, before I get into my panties to begin the show. We talk for a bit and then I just twirl around, walk away slowly, walk back seductively, move my hips, whatever I feel like doing at the moment. He gets so turned on that he wants to see my bare ass only, up close to the camera. Well, to get them off, he has to also send a tribute and once he does, I take my panties off and flash him for 20-to-30 seconds, then walk or prance away to put on a new pair of panties and repeat the process over and over until he has no more money left to tribute, or until I don’t feel like doing it anymore. Within two hours I made that money. It was one of my best yet …

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• Rank in order (favorite to least): Diamond Rio, Family Feud,, DJ Khaled, Viggo Mortensen, surfing, Barry Sanders, Reno, vaginas, golden delicious apples: Golden delicious apples, surfing and vaginas are favorites. I don’t know the other names.

• Five reasons one should make Las Vegas his/her home: Don’t. Unless you’re awesome or I’ve already moved away. I don’t want the population to increase much.

Aaron Judge had a truly crazy power run. Do you see him as the next great Yankee slugger?: I dont know who that is, but if it’s baseball and he’s making those hits then why not?

• Ever thought you were about to die in a plane crash? If so, what do you recall?: I never have thought that but I have been scared of it.

• Three memories from your senior prom?: I never went to senior prom! My mother removed me from high school in my junior year to help her raise my baby sister (aka raise my sister for her). I left for San Francisco at age 17 and got my GED.

• I have a really awful canker sore on my bottom lip right now. What shoud I do about it?: I’m not sure. I’d probably Google that. Or YouTube it. There’s a video for everything on there.

• What are the three biggest keys to great sex?: 1. Being honest and real with yourself and your partner about what you like, don’t like and what you want—right away and up front; 2. Role playing! Makes for great foreplay; 3. Always make your partner feel wanted, not needed, at all times not just days/times you want sex

• One question you would ask Timbaland were he here right now?: I don’t know who that is. I think he’s a music artist, but I dont know what he looks like, is about or anything else. At that point I guess I would ask him if he would go get me some cupcakes or donuts

This is my all-time favorite song. Thoughts?: While the words “You’re like a bowl of bitter beans” is being said it has a tone of a song you could play while cruising up the road to a mountain.

• You just Tweeted, “If I put peoples heads on cows bodies about to be slaughtered—would you report my image?” Um, what?: I’ve been creating digital composite images in photoshop lately, and I want to make some satire but not waste my time so I thought it would be a good idea to check the mindset of my public before making it. Hundreds of millions of animals are abused, raped (aka forced breeding, twins, and artifical insemination), torured and murdered for human consumption, cosmetics, fur fashion, sport, zoos, euthanization, neglect and car accidents. All in the name of being “entitled” to have the “right” to do so (aka eating their flesh and wearing their skin, displaying their heads as trophies and straight abuse). Human beings already commit crimes and atrocities against each other and the land we live on, adding in the hundreds of millions of animals per year in the USA alone is just unnecessary and monstrous. I send supplies and cash donations to multiple charities each month, but If every person would just donate one dollar or send one item for supplies each month, great things would happen. For people to take action to fix things and make the world better, they need to know the things going on, but even more they need to see it. Human beings are very visual creatures, the average person won’t listen or pay attention when you’re telling them about a cause, but if they see it … if their emotions kick in, they feel it and when they feel it they remember it, when they remember it they think about it even when they didn’t mean to at the moment and when that happens, it makes way for them to start asking questions, make changes in their perspective. Then, when their perspective changes, they change and they make changes happen for the better.


Blog News QUAZ Sex

Dirk Hooper

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In my eternal quest to find riveting folks to turn into Quazes, I’ve occasionally landed on the websites and Twitter pages of sex workers from myriads walks of life. Some have been strippers, some have been hookers, some have been dominatrix, some have been hypno therapists … the list is long and funky.

Generally, these people (while dwelling in a similar field) have shared little in common—save for the photographic work of someone named Dirk Hooper.

Google Dirk and you’ll wind up with an endless supply of sexy images. What you’ll also find, however, is a genuinely unique and thoughtful dude with a cool world view and a refreshing open-mindedness. Among other things, Dirk co-hosts The Fetish Show, blogs regularly and narratives audiobooks. You can visit his website here, his Twitter feed here and his art gallery here.

Dirk Hooper, welcome to America’s fetish—the Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: Dirk, lemme start with this: From your experiences, what makes a fetish a fetish? What I mean is, some people like being urinated on. Some people like handcuffs. Some people like … I dunno. Eating shit? Being forced to watch Elmo? I dunno. But what’s the line between “normal sexual behavior” and “fetish” (quotes intended).

DIRK HOOPER: Well, there’s the scientific explanation about what a fetish is, then there’s what has become the common usage.

As far as science is concerned, a fetish is a sexual desire that’s based on something that’s unusual and has to be present to get off.

I’ve witnessed and discussed actual fetishes, and, to be honest, they are as much of a blessing as a curse for the people involved. We talked to someone on The Fetish Show who had a boot fetish that affected every aspect of his life, not just what happened in the bedroom. He had to find a partner that would go along with his fetish or he couldn’t get sexually aroused. It forced him to have a very uncomfortable sexual discussion with potential partners, long before most of us would talk about such things. If they weren’t interested, or worse, thought he was a freak, then he had to break away from the relationship.

There’s nothing fun about that sort of thing, and in my experience, a real fetish is almost impossible to get rid of. But … if you find the right partner, then it’s full-on bliss.

The common usage for fetish is much more broad. I certainly use “fetish” to describe a much less clinical desire for things like, latex fashion, high heels, ass and leg worship, balloons, furries, and just about everything under the alternative sun. I think if you use a broader sense of the word, then what separates a fetish from normal sexual behavior is that it’s something unusual. Most hetero men really really like boobs. That’s not a fetish. Now, if you’re sexually aroused by stockings, then you’re in the target area.

Something that bothers me is a desire to use “fetish” as a derogatory replacement for the word “obsession,” and that typically comes from millennial journalists who want to shock you instead of inform you.

J.P.: If you go online, and visit the sites of sex workers, they tend to be dark, mysterious, sexual. There’s clearly an image/mood that’s trying to be established. But I wonder … who are these people up close? What I mean is, when you’re hanging with, say, the domme, the sexual hypnotist … etc … are they just “normal”? What I mean is, beneath the glitz and image and all, are people just people? Between shots is it akin to photographing a gaggle of accountants? Are you talking work and kids and daycare costs?

D.H.: I’ve worked with escorts, strippers, dominatrix, xxx performers, and plenty of kinky amateurs. I can tell you in almost every case that the personal branding you see is a highly-massaged version, or outright totally different, than what those people are like in real life.

They have kids, health problems, relationship challenges, money issues and everything else that your barista at Starbucks, or your doctor has. And yes, often we often talk about that stuff during breaks between spanking submissives and tying genitals in a neat little bow.

The things that make my models and clients different from the crowd is an exceptionally open mind, and a healthy body image.

J.P.: How did this happen for you? Like, how does one become a professional fetish photographer?

D.H.: I recently wrote a lengthy answer to this question on Quora. Please feel free to edit this if you wish. It won’t hurt my feelings.

Anyone can do fetish photography, but it sure helps if you understand the themes and subjects covered by fetish photographers. In my case, I was interested in fetish photography long before I became a photographer. My path to fetish photography was guided by my own personal interest in the fetish and BDSM communities.

I can trace my interest in BDSM back to when I was a kid and had a particularly attractive older babysitter who enjoyed role-playing. What we did was not sexual in any way, but it was imaginative, and since I was smitten by her, I can see how it opened my mind to many possibilities.

By the time I was 13-years old, I began to understand what fetish and BDSM was, and I began to seek it out in movies, television, comics, and books. Once I identified my obsession with the subject, it took off from there.

I have always been an artist and writer. Before I picked up a camera with an artist’s eye, I created art and stories with a kinky edge. My professional background was in comics and illustration. A little over 20 years ago my obsession with the fetish and BDSM community, and my newfound interest in photography collided.

I discovered a local BDSM group through AOL online. Before that, I figured that you had to be in New York or San Francisco to find out about BDSM. This group was active and in Oklahoma City! Remember, this was the 90s, and BDSM was much more underground at the time.

I had a lesbian friend who was also interested in attending a “munch” with me, so at least I had someone to go with me the first time. By the end of that first meeting I was hooked. I began to regularly attend local gatherings, made friends and started to learn about the BDSM lifestyle. At the same time, I borrowed a damaged SLR camera from a friend and began to take photos with a critical eye. When I got a credit card at Sears my first purchase was my own Canon Rebel. What I discovered is that I really enjoyed taking photos.

I was disillusioned with comics and illustration as a career choice. I felt like I was close to really breaking out, but that I really wanted a path in the media arts because I felt like it was more stable and growing.

I returned to college after a long hiatus and took film, video and photography studies under the art department and film and video studies under the English department. What that gave me is a solid foundation in how to do projects and a healthy dose of foundational information for all kinds of media.

So, I had a thrilling new sideline, which was my engagement in the BDSM community, and a need to come up with subjects for my photography projects, both in and out of college. Naturally, I married the two.

Mind you, my illustration work was already kinky. You can see a direct line between what I was drawing over 20 years ago and what I’ve been taking photos of ever since then.

My career in fetish photography really took off when I created a modeling group with my friend Robert Henry, and we began to create paid content for a website. I had a group of models, we had to constantly create new sets, and the whole thing fed on itself.

I learned one hundred times more, just producing set after set, than I ever learned in college. Due to my constant desire to learn and to create unique photo sets, my ability to create different styles really exploded.

Also, because we had a group of models, we started attending events, selling merchandise and meeting fans, which taught me volumes on marketing and business (which is essential if you want to do photography of any sort and be successful).

I really had no idea where this all would lead, but after a few years I began to get work in fine art galleries, published in magazines, and invited to attend fetish events to show my photography.

My interest in the fetish and BSDM community gave me the knowledge and inspiration to do photography using those subjects. My involvement in those communities and my own personal experience gave me access and guided my work to be accurate and respectful. But it was a lot of hard work and attention to business and marketing which allowed me to make fetish photography a career.

J.P.: What’s your process? Soup to nuts. You’re hired by someone. She wants pictures. How does it go from there …

D.H.: I will try to determine, to the best of my ability, what outcome the client wants and work backwards. I do a lot of back and forth through email or the phone to figure out the best place to shoot, and what we need to pull off the photos.

When we’re approaching the shoot date I’ll check in with the client to make sure that everything is going well on her end, and tell her how I’m doing.

On the day of the shoot, if possible, I try to set up early, test the gear and then wait on the client. Once the client is there I like to have some time to get to know her and take her mind off the shoot. The time I spend with a model or client before a shoot is the most important time of the entire process.

During a shoot I try to make sure the client or model is comfortable as possible, and that we completely explore the idea. I pull the trigger a lot since I started using a digital camera. Sometimes the best shot is the first, and sometimes it’s the last, but the shot I missed is always the one that haunts me.

What I enjoy the most is doing post-processing on the photos. Editing the photos down to my favorites and polishing them is pure pleasure for me.


J.P.: What’s the absolute strangest story from your career? Like, we all have a money story. What’s yours?

D.H.: This is not a story from my career, but from when I was just starting out in the BDSM community.

I was in a relationship with a professional dominatrix and she took me to a dungeon in city far away from where we lived. We went to a play party where she led me naked into a large room with about 50 people, strapped me to an overhead bar and whipped me in front of the crowd.

That was a fairly mundane scene in the BDSM community, but for me to be in that position, in front of all those people, and so new to the scene, it was an experience I’ll never forget.

It’s the strangest story for people who know me, because doing that sort of thing is very much unlike me normally.

J.P.: Greatest moment of your career? Lowest?

D.H.: The greatest moment of my career was being invited to display my photography and attend as a guest of honor at the Fetish Project event in Brussels Belgium. If you’ve seen Eyes Wide Shut, or 50 Shades of Grey, then you have no idea what a real BDSM party is. The event took place in a venue that was several stories tall.

The party-goers were from all over Europe (and beyond). They were all dressed in leather, or latex, or … nothing. There was dancing, and bondage, and sex, and some of the most interesting, beautiful, and loving people that I’ve ever met. The event started at 7pm and didn’t wrap up until 8am the following morning.

As a guest, I got to meet all these incredible fetish models and dominatrix. People approached me all night long and wanted to talk about my work, and about the challenges of doing my work in Oklahoma City. Everyone was so kind and generous. It was everything that I always imagined a kink party would, and should be.

Fetish Project was something I’ll never forget.

My worst moment was during a rope bondage shoot where one of my favorite models passed out while in suspension. Fortunately, the Shibari master who was doing the bondage reacted quickly and took care of the model perfectly.

As it turns out, it was just an overwhelming first-time experience for the model, and she got too excited. But for a moment it was exceptionally scary and a good reminder that it’s important to always have experts involved who know what to do in an emergency.

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J.P.: There’s an idea that sex workers are damaged; that something along the way was fucked up and led them here. Do you see that? And—yes or no—how do you think sex workers become sex workers? Are there common routes?

D.H.: In my experience, there is no common thread that runs through all sex workers. Some come from a history of abuse, and others just have a healthy positive history with sex and sexuality.

Almost every sex worker that I’ve met do have one thing in common—they don’t want to work for peanuts in an office cubicle. I think it’s that motivation that makes them seek an alternative line of work.

They tend to be highly motivated to achieve, and make the most of their work time, and leave plenty of personal time to take care of their other obligations. Freedom is a prime goal.

They work hard, but they play hard too.

J.P.: What are the keys to photographing sexy? Like, how do you bring that out? Are there tricks of the trade? Tools?

D.H.: For me, bringing out sexy starts with finding the right models. And I’m not talking about looks. What I search for are models who are comfortable with their body and interested in doing the style of work that I do.

I get contacted by a lot of models and I can tell a lot by how they fill out their model applications, and by what questions they ask.

The most important thing I can think of to bring out sexiness is to build a rapport with the model, and make sure she is relaxed and having fun. If a model is laughing, or feels free to be silly, or be playful, then we’re in the right place.

I talk to a model throughout the shoot. I’m respectful. I show them the work we’re getting. I’m laudatory and encouraging. Even the most experienced model has moments of insecurity, and I try to assuage that as much as possible.

In the end, I try to make the model (or client) look as good as I can, and I try to relay that to the model from the beginning of the process to the end. Sexiness just follows from that.

J.P.: How do you explain America’s weird relationship with sex? It just seems like we’re so taboo about the whole thing. Can’t talk about it, can’t refer to it, can’t complain about it. Sports! Politics! Religion! All OK. Sex … eh, no.

D.H.: As a boy from Oklahoma, and someone who is in the fetish photography business, I am at the tip of the spear of this discussion. We Americans need to take a long deep breath and let go of our grade-school attitude towards sex.

I’m a BDSM mentor and I recently got contacted by a woman who was concerned that her new partner wanted to be dominant with her, but didn’t want to have a discussion about it beforehand. He wanted to do adult things, but didn’t want to have an adult conversation about it. That’s got to change.

I see this issue time after time. As a society, we have made talking about sex such an icky thing that people have no idea how to have an adult conversation about what we want and need in the bedroom.

Some people think it ruins the mood. Some people are scared to even bring the subject up. Some people just don’t have the vocabulary, or the balls, to talk about the subject. Some people are afraid to share their deepest desires.

One incredible thing about BDSM is that a relationship starts with the discussion of what you’re into, what you’re not into, and what your comfort level is, before anything happens. A good BDSM relationship has a regular and recurring conversation about what worked, what didn’t work, and how things could be better next time.

The vanilla world needs to take a page from BDSM and learn to talk about sex BEFORE you get in the bedroom (and after). You’d be amazed by how valuable it is, and how much it improves your relationship in and out of the bedroom.

You’ll also be astounded by how easy it is once you start.

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J.P.: How has the Internet explosion of the past decade impacted pornography? Imagery? Etc? I mean, I remember buying my brother a Playboy for his 16th birthday—because that’s where the vagina and boobs were. Well, now they’re everywhere. Is it harder to make a living? Easier?

D.H.: I snuck into my parent’s bedroom to look at issues of Playboy. I doubt anyone does that today. The Internet has made porn as ubiquitous as a weather report.

I think there’s something healthy about being able to find images and information about sex so easily. It also makes it much easier to find someone real who is into the same things you are. Those are good things.

Unfortunately, much of what we see on the Internet is not reality. It’s sex with impossibly beautiful people, doing shit that no one really enjoys. I think it encourages trapeze acts instead of the slow, loving, beautiful parts of sex.

The Internet puts us more in touch with each other than we ever have been before, but in reality, we’re more distant than ever before. That’s a terrible by-product of not valuing our time in meatspace. We need to relearn how to be more present in the current moment, and with our current partner.

As for making a living producing porn (and most of what I do is actually closer to Playboy than to porn), the internet has deeply damaged the ability to make good money for most people.

Maybe the industry will find something akin to Netflix to make money, but right now, paid content is getting shared on free sites, and that’s seriously hurting the people who produce this content.

There’s still money to be made, but for Big Porn it’s much harder than it used to be. On the other hand, a savvy entrepreneur with technical and marketing skills, can create a little online fiefdom and make a good living without any of the old gatekeepers.

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• Five greatest photographers of your lifetime: I’m going to forget about 20 people here … Helmut Newton, David Lachapelle, Ellen Von Unwerth, Eric Kroll, Gregory Crewdson

• Rank in order (favorite to least): latex mittens, Mark Fidrych, Valentine’s Day, beige, lacrosse, Michael B. Jordan, Victor Oladipo, “Revenge of the Nerds,” Melissa McCarthy: Victor Oladipo, latex mittens, Valentine’s Day, Melissa McCarthy, “Revenge of the Nerds,” Michael B. Jordan, lacrosse, Mark Fidrych, beige

• If you had compromising photos of Donald Trump from a long-ago fetish shoot, but he asked they never be revealed, would you make them public if you knew it’d end his presidency?: LOL! I’m not a psychologist, or a lawyer, but my job relies on people being able to trust me. I’ve got compromising photos of hundreds of people who don’t want them to be public and they will never see the light of day.

• Five reasons one should make Oklahoma City his next vacation destination?: 1. Bricktown and the Riverwalk are both beautiful and fun; 2. The people will treat you nicer than any place in the world; 3. You won’t get better BBQ or Mexican food anywhere. ANYWHERE! Bring it!; 4. It’s going to be a cheap trip. You’ll get more bang for your buck; 5. You can see a world-class NBA team, one of the biggest and most luxurious theaters (Moore Warren Theater), the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum, Dale Chihuly’s gorgeous work at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art, do some gambling at Remington Park (or one of the local casinos), and you can meet me!

• Grosser—tuna breath or constant drippy nose?: Definitely constant drippy nose.

• I’ve never understood how Balboa won the street fight against Tommy. I mean, he was brain damaged, old, out of shape. You have an explanation?: It’s heart baby! The eye of the tiger!

No, that’s bullshit.

It’s the same way Stallone won an axe fight with Jason Momoa. He’s producing the damn things!

• Five sexiest parts of the human body?: 1. I’m an ass man, first and foremost; 2. Belly; 3. Lips; 4. Legs; 5. Mind

• Ever thought you were about to die in a plane crash? If so, what do you recall?: Shit, it was terrifying. I used to love to fly, and now it’s horrible for me.

I was flying out of OKC to see my parents in Tuscon and we were only 15 minutes in the air when a blind man across the aisle told me that he heard that one of the engines had just died.

Soon, we could smell smoke in the cabin, and the pilot told us that we were turning back to make an emergency landing. The oxygen masks dropped from the panel above us, and we started looping around the airport to burn fuel. The lady in the seat next to me kept asking if we were going to die. I told her we’d be fine, and tried to stay cool, but I was worried too.

The descent was easily the scariest thing I’ve ever encountered. As it turns out, the actual landing was the best ever.

We pulled up next to a bunch of fire trucks and those foam dispensers. Firefighters in those silver hazmat outfits stormed the plane before we could get off.

The airline immediately booked me another flight for Tucson, and I was supposed to leave in 30 minutes. I wanted to just go home, but I knew if I didn’t get back on the horse, that I’d never fly again, so I went right back in the air.

Turbulence drives me nuts now.

• One question you would ask Vida Blue were he here right now?: I’d ask who he was, because I have no idea.

• The one song you never, ever, ever need to hear again …: I’d like to gather every copy of “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion and shoot it straight into the sun.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Lady Valencia

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The Quaz turns 305 this week, which means I’ve been at this madness for more than six years.

If you look at the all-time categorical leaders, journalists, actors and singers lead the way by an enormous margin. Then you have athletes, educators … and sex workers.

Yes, sex workers.

As I noted once before, sex workers are ideal for the Quaz, because:

A. Their lives tend to follow 800 different paths.

B. They’re eager for the pub.

C. They’re exceedingly nice.

That being said, with today’s Quaz I’ve decided to retire sex worker as a category for a while. It’s the second  time I’ve done this (nationalistic cult leaders need no longer apply), and here’s the reason: Lady Valencia’s Q&A was so complete, I feel like we need not another.

In case you’re wondering, Lady Valencia is a Los Angeles-based dominatrix and so-called “professional sadist” who has an enormous back tattoo, delights in beating down men and—off the cuff, via DM—happens to be a fascinating conversationalist and delightful person (but don’t tell anyone).

You can follow her on Twitter here, visit her website here, her Niteflirt page here and her Fetlife page here. She hates Los Angeles, doesn’t mind olive breath and wouldn’t recognize LeBron James in a crowd.

Lady Valencia, welcome to the Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: OK, so here’s what I don’t understand, and hopefully you can explain: Men pay you money so you, an attractive woman with sexy photos and an active Twitter account, can treat them like shit and tell them they suck. Then they give you even more money. I’m NOT being critical—I just don’t fully get it. Please explain what I’m missing.

LADY VALENCIA: Not all of my submissives like being told mean things and being humiliated. I am usually nice to most of my subs at least sometimes. All of my subs are finsubs (financial submissives) meaning that they enjoy giving money to a beautiful and powerful female. As far as me treating them like “shit,” humiliation is a popular fetish in the findom and BDSM world.  Some people get off on and love being treated poorly, at least sometimes. It’s just like how some men love getting blowjobs. Same concept. It’s just what they like and unfortunately society usually shames them for it and tells them that it’s wrong. Therefore, these men tend to come to sex workers so they can be understood and enjoy their humiliation fetish.

J.P.: How did this happen for you as a career? I mean, how does one become a FinDomme?

L.V.: I’ve been in and out of sex work since I was 18 (I’m almost 25 now). My old job required me to be in a specific location and I got really sick of the managers and working for others. I’m very familiar with the BDSM scene as I’ve practiced it a lot in my private life and used to work at a dungeon. I stumbled upon findom while on my Fetlife account this last August. I had never heard of it but I did my research and was interested. Yes, I love making lots of money. Who doesn’t? That isn’t the reason I got into it though. I have plenty of money from working my ass off all of these years in different sex worker fields. I love humiliating men and am a true sadist (I enjoy physically hurting men or making them hurt themselves). I crave the feeling of power and am dominate in my everyday life.

I’m also drawn to findom because I am still able to travel, plus I’m my own boss. I am a huge travel junkie (24 countries and counting). I live to travel, and I live to control men.

J.P.: Without the simple (yet perhaps true) “men are pathetic,” how do you explain this? What I mean is, there are tons of women online doing exactly what you’re doing, and very few men in the profession. So why are men so drawn to this, while women appear not to be? Is it something inside of my gender?

L.V.: Men are used to getting whatever they want in society so sometimes they enjoy  being told, “No” for once. Women are unfortunately used to being treated like lesser than human beings due to sexism and the idiotic culture we live in that values men over women.

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J.P.: What’s your life path, then to now? Where are you from? What’s your background? Career path? Goals?

V: I’m very indecisive and a bit of a commitmentphobe in some ways. I book my tickets last minute when I travel and only book a couple nights at a hostel at a time. I get bored very easily which is another reason I enjoy sex work. You never know how much you’ll make in a given day. My point is that I don’t have a “life path,” a “career path,” or set “goals.”  My goals at the moment are being happy, being the best FinDomme that I can be and traveling the world. My career path depends on how bored I get but I do hope to be doing this for a long time as I believe I’ve found my niche.

I’m a SoCal native and have lived most of my life in different areas of LA. I did well in school despite never studying or doing homework. I graduated high school early and got accepted into every college that I wanted to go to but changed my mind about wanting to go. I’m a licensed makeup artist and a licensed massage therapist specializing in deep tissue and sports massage.

J.P.: You have an enormous tattoo along your back. A. What’s the story? B. How long did it take? C. How much pain? D. Was it worth it?

L.V.: A. The main one is a coverup of three horribly done tattoos I got when I was younger. In February 2016 I finally got around to covering it up. It was finished this past December. B: Probably around 40 hours. C: It definitely hurt, especially the spine and lower back because of all of the nerve endings.  D: It was definitely worth it. I love it.

J.P.: Do you worry at all about the potential ramifications of this profession? What I mean is, images don’t vanish—and yours are all over Twitter. What if you apply for a job, or PTA president, or run for office in 20 years, and Lady Valencia past pops up? Is that at all a concern?

L.V.: Not really. I would never be elected to office as I’m too liberal. All of the people close to me know what I do; friends and some family. Maybe one day it will come back to bite me in the ass in some way but it’s the 21st century and sex work needs to stop being seen in such a negative light.

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J.P.: What’s the strangest story from your career as Lady Valencia?

L.V.: I’m not sure what you would consider the strangest but I’ll tell you my favorite story that you may or may not find strange. Years ago I was on and I got a message from a female. She told me that she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her so she set up a nannycam at home. She saw him having sex with the nanny or cleaning lady and confronted him without telling him that she installed a camera. He denied it and got so angry at her that he anally raped her. It was her first time doing anal.

As revenge, since she got him raping her on camera, She told him that if he didn’t stay in chastity for a year and let her peg him (use a strap on on him) when she deemed fit then she would turn over the tape to the police.

She asked me if I could use a strap on on him because she thought having another female do it would be a great humiliation punishment. She said that he would have an envelope with cash in it and told me where to meet him. I told him what she told me (the nannycam story) and he confirmed that it was true. He gave me an envelope and I told him the address to meet me at half an hour later. The envelope had money in it for me to buy a strap-on at a local sex shop. I bought a strap on and then headed over to where I told him to meet me.

We met and walked inside. He had no idea that it was a dungeon and was freaking out. I explained to him that she wanted me to use a strap on on him and that he could leave whenever he wanted to. I’m not going to rape a guy. Jesus. I ended up using a strap on on him over my clothes and beat the shit out of his balls and locked up dick with crops and whatever else I could find. He cried and cried and cried. Then he couldn’t handle it anymore so I let him leave. I’m proud of that. Makes me smile everytime I talk about it.

J.P.: Totally out of context, but you seem pretty liberal. How did you take the Trump win? What do you think is going to happen to the U.S.? How worried are you?

L.V.: I am a hardcore liberal feminist. I was in Bali at the time and had already mailed in my ballot. I voted for Hillary but am not a fan of hers. I couldn’t believe he won. I was so shocked. He may end up being the next Hitler. America was never great. Sexism and racism are not okay. Trying to ban abortions is not okay.

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• Three memories from your senior prom: I didn’t go to prom because I graduated early.

• Rank in order (favorite to least): Cat Stevens, nipple rings, Kamala Harris, Cincinnati Reds hats, slippers, Drake, armpits, peppermint mocha, the number 12: I love peppermint mocha and nipple rings are awesome. No opinion on the others.

• One question you would ask John Elway were he here right now: Didn’t know who that is until My friend told Me. Don’t follow sports.

• Five reasons one should make Los Angeles his/her next vacation destination: Don’t come to LA for vacation. This city sucks. There’s traffic, smog, LAPD, wannabe famous people, and an endless supply of assholes.

• Less sexy—unibrow or olive breath?: Unibrow. What’s wrong with olive breath?

• What is the one thing too many men misunderstand about women?: Women don’t live to serve men. Women don’t need men. Women can be breadwinners. Women can raise a kid(s) alone. Wanting a Female to be a virgin is idiotic.

• My wife is addicted to Gilmore Girls. This concerns me. Thoughts?: My mom and I just finished the most recent episode of Gilmore Girls. It’s an okay show. Love some parts of it. Hate that they portray Loreila as a lost ditz though.

• Who is the most famous person you’ve ever seen in person? What was the circumstance?: That is a secret. We’re good friends. We met due to a mutual interest in BDSM.

• Here in Orange County nobody seems to care about the drought, and it infuriates me. Can I hit my neighbor over the head with a brick and be OK in your eyes?: I’m all for hurting but not for killing. So if you were to just hurt your neighbor I wouldn’t condemn you. The police? That’s another story.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Jappy Princess


So a couple of weeks ago I was soliciting new Quaz enlistees, and an alumni of this series—the super fantastic Jenni DeMilo—said, “I have the perfect person for you.” Or some words along those lines.

She told me about a colleague in the online sex industry who works as a “Jappy Princess.” Which immediately struck me as both odd and interesting—odd, because I’m Jewish and I’ve known my fair share of JAPs; interesting, because I’m Jewish and while I’ve known my fair share of JAPs, I’ve never known one who works as a phone sex conversationalist. But that’s what this week’s interviewee does and, according to Jenni, does well.

She also happens to be one of the cooler people I’ve met in nearly six years of Quazes. Although I’ll respect Jappy Princess’ requested privacy, I will say—away from the world of masturbatory avatars—she’s normal and funny and lovely and human. The obnoxiousness you might see in her Niteflirt pages? If not an act, probably a safe exaggeration of a decent person just trying to make a living in a most unique way.

Anyhow, one can follow Jappy Princess on Twitter here, and visit her business page here.

Jappy Princess, take a break from the phones and enter the land of Quaz …

JEFF PEARLMAN: So I’ve had different people who work in myriad sex-related businesses do this Q&A, but never a “Jewish Princess”—mainly because I didn’t know such a thing existed in the phone sex world. So please, explain this fetish. What are people looking for? Why the Jewish element

JAPPY PRINCESS: When I started doing phone sex, I didn’t see anyone offering a Jewish Princess humiliation experience, and I thought that would be a really exploitable element. “Jewish” dredges up lots of weird feelings in Jews and goyim alike. I also knew that it would be important to speak knowledgeably, and I know a lot about Jews and Jewish Princess culture – it’s a part of me. My callers are looking for the stereotype they see on TV, or someone they have met in real life. I hear from a lot of them that I remind them of a girl from their youth who rejected them. They get to relive that humiliation when I reject them again. Most of my callers aren’t Jewish, but have a thing for Jewish women, and know that we tend to stick with the tribe. That’s the allure

J.P.: There’s a question I always ask people in the sex business, so I’ll ask you: What does your family think about the work? How open are you with them? Are they cool with it? Angry? Thrilled? Embarrassed? And does it come up in regular conversation?

JAPPY PRINCESS: No, my family doesn’t know. I live in Hollywood where everyone is a writer, director, actor or life coach, so it’s pretty easy to make something up that no one understands. All they really care about is that I’m making money and not soaking off of them. My mom has better things to worry about anyway, like redecorating her Palm Beach condo.

J.P.: In your bio you write, “my boyfriend is a member of the tribe.” And I wonder why you even mention a boyfriend, because I would think—probably incorrectly—that part of the appeal for men is along the lines of, “Hey, she’s hot, maybe she’ll be interested in me …” No?

JAPPY PRINCESS: What kind of loser would I be if I had no man? It really doesn’t matter, since many of them still think they have a chance anyway. They like to tell me they have more money, are better looking, etc. I love when my callers get jealous of him; it’s pretty hilarious. Others want to hear all about the “real man” who gets the woman they never could, and want to pay for our dinners and vacations. It’s a smorgasbord of neuroses.


J.P.: I have this image of phone sex professionals being on a call, the person on the other end getting all hot and horny while you’re filing your nails, half listening, watching an episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. No? Yes? How engaged do you have to be

JAPPY PRINCESS: I’d imagine that your vision is probably correct for many phone sex ops, but for a good call, you have to be engaged. When I get a caller that’s not engaging, I let him know he’s totally fucking boring me, and that I’m barely paying attention. The type of caller I get eats that up. That’s what’s so fun about calling me, I’m really honest and super bitchy. I also take calls while I’m hiking, shopping, on the treadmill, or getting my nails done.

J.P.: What’s your path? Like, birth to now, how did this happen for you? How did you enter the phone sex business?

JAPPY PRINCESS: I’ll get this part out of the way first: I have a great relationship with my father, Whatever any armchair psychologist might want to be true, I don’t do this because I’m looking for male attention or some shit. I do it because my chosen career was destroyed by file-sharing. Also, I’m fucking good at it, and I make more money sitting at home in my Lululemon than I would as a Senior VP at some label, which is where I would likely be right now. The other relevant thing you should know about my father is that he has a disgusting, foul mouth, and never stopped telling dirty jokes. The sharp tongue I got from him has come in handy in both my careers. My mother is an unrepentant JAP, where all my worst qualities come from, and largely why I’m good at what I do.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. summer camp, got kissed at 13, fucked at 18, blah, blah, blah. There’s nothing to note because I was a good girl, who got good grades, played the violin, and was focused and ambitious. I always wanted to be in the music business since I was young, and I was largely focused on music to the exclusion of all else through school. My parents were very supportive, but when I moved out to California, it was sink-or-swim quickly. I was persistent and lucky and soon got a job working at a major record label in radio promotions. Things were going great and I was moving up, and then Napster; then panic; then layoffs. A friend told me I should do phone sex because I was great on the phone with these loser radio program directors. (Seriously, the absolute bottom of the entertainment barrel.) Really, spending my days on the phone pimping the crappy singles at our label was not very different than what I do now except I feel cleaner at the end of the day now. At first I tried doing the regular “ooo-baby-baby” stuff, which is not for me, and I just started telling the guys how fucking disgusting they are. Then I realized that some callers like that sort of thing, and will also pay more for it. Up is down! Black is white! Day is night! Specialists are the best; they pay more and never complain.


J.P.: What’s the story of the strangest client experience you’ve ever had? 

JAPPY PRINCESS: So many strange ones, I’ll just give you the most recent. A few weeks ago I had a new caller, and he ended up falling in love with me. Like, for real. He didn’t care that I had a boyfriend, and he was determined to win me over with talk of being a millionaire, and how great life would be if I were with him.  He told me he was going to come to Los Angeles, and I told him he probably shouldn’t expect to hang out with me. The next thing I know, I get a call from him that he’s here at a hotel in Beverly Hills.  Many callers fantasize about coming to LA to meet me, but this guy was serious and really thought I would come on down to his hotel. When I told him to settle down, he went crazy on me, sending hundreds of derogatory and threatening emails in the course of a couple of days. What I thought was especially funny was that he kept asking, “how many women get the chance to have a drink with a guy with a million dollars?” In LA? Just about all of them. What a douchebag. He ended up calling me about 20 times in a day, at $1.99 per minute, just to tell me what a bitch-ass loser I am. Of course, I listened and took his money, because JAPs take the cash, naturally. He finally stopped calling and that was that.  Too bad he ruined it, I made a lot off him.

J.P.: You identify as Jewish—but this doesn’t seem like a particular spiritual or religious thing to be doing. I’m not condemning you … I’m just saying phone sex doesn’t strike me as especially Biblical. Do you care? Is it something you had to get past? Does it even matter?

JAPPY PRINCESS: Clearly you have never read the Old Testament. It is the most depraved text of all time. For example, just in the story of King David we have war, famine, plague, rape, incest, adultery, homicide, filicide, infanticide, regicide, genocide, and I’m probably leaving some stuff out. God punishes David for NOT killing everyone in a Philistine village. That’s some cold shit, God. But seriously, I never said I was a nice Jewish girl. In fact, as my URL plainly ­­states, I am not a nice Jewish girl.

J.P.: How has Niteflirt impacted the careers of phone sex operators? In past Quazes I’ve had people complain about the service; say it’s more ripoff for people in the business than it is aide. Thoughts?

JAPPY PRINCESS: I think of Niteflirt as where I rent an office in a giant porny office building in cyberspace. Like any other business, you get out of it what you put in. If you provide a quality service and market it effectively, people will want to buy.  Do I wish the site didn’t look like 1990s internet, had smartphone apps and other technologies to help us make more money? Yes, but it’s not my site so I work with what I’m given. The bottom line is that most phone sex has migrated to Niteflirt, so it’s a fact of life for all of us.


J.P.: When you’re on a call, are you truly in character. What I mean is—if it’s a guy who wants hypnosis, do you think of yourself as a seductive hypnotist? If it’s someone who wants to be brutalized, are you that person in the moment? Do you know what I mean? Like, do you need to sell yourself on the performance?

JAPPY PRINCESS: I guess you can say I’m a little like method actor that way, but not entirely. When I’m telling some piece-of-shit that he’s a piece-of-shit, I usually mean it. On the other hand, I’m no Daniel Day Lewis and I drop it once the call is done.

To your question about hypnosis calls, you should remember that this is opposite-land. I don’t do sensual stuff, I leave that to the hordes of basic bitches who can’t do what I do. My hypnosis calls generally revolve around “straight” guys, many with wives, families or girlfriends, who want to “hypnotized” into being gay, or a girl, or a sissy. To be clearer, these are generally gay men who live straight lives, and use this as an outlet. Having a woman “hypnotize” them makes it less gay and acceptable to fantasize about giant cocks, I guess. There is a lot of self-disgust mixed up in all this. Human sexuality is bizarre, what can I say?

J.P.: What’s the difference between a great phone sex operator and a shit one?

JAPPY PRINCESS: I think that’s for the caller to decide. What one person might think is great, someone else might think is shit. I don’t do the typical “oh yeah baby do it to me” phone sex. I do only fetish-oriented calls and it’s never sensual. It’s bratty, dominating and humiliating, and there’s a ton of men who think I’m the worst.  What makes me great is that I’m different than the usual basic bitches that answer these lines. I’m well-traveled, educated, and I’m knowledgeable about pop culture, politics, money, and food. I can have long conversations on many topics that my callers find engaging. There is an art to reading a person’s voice and knowing what they want.



• Seven greatest bands of all time: Beatles, Queen, T-Rex, Oasis, The Replacements, Prince and the Whatevers, The Clash

• Three most interesting people you know: My colorist. My stylist. My personal trainer.

• Rank in order (favorite to least): A Tribe Called Quest, house music, Angela Lansbury, Mike Pence, Trader Joe’s, Klay Thompson, prime rib, Twitter, skateboard parks, the San Diego Zoo: Angela Lansbury, Prime rib, A Tribe Called Quest, Klay Thompson, house music, skate parks, Trader Joe’s, San Diego Zoo, Mike Pence

• One question you would ask Buddy Holly were he here right now: Where did you get those glasses—I love them.

• Would you rather have sex with someone who has severe tuna breath or a festering zit atop his nose?: I’ll take the zit. Toss a paper bag over that face, and hope it doesn’t burst.

• Seven adjectives you’d use for Donald Trump: Sub-moronic, avaricious, monomaniacal, churlish, porny, douchey, fucking terrifying.

• What was your Bat Mitzvah like?: At Le Cirque in Manhattan. The rabbi wore leather Prada slacks, you can fill in the rest.

• Make a 16-word argument for canned soup: 17 syllables, in haiku form:

Sometimes, time is short.

Campbell’s says, “Soup is good food.”

I say, “Time for soup.”

• Three memories from your first-ever date?: His father’s chauffeur picked me up. He took me to a restaurant where his father had an account. He wanted to fuck me, so I asked him whether his father was going to do that for him as well. (No, it was not Jared Kushner. I don’t date Jersey boys)

• What’s the worst pickup line the world has ever known?: My name is Jared Kushner.

Blog News QUAZ Sex

Cathy Venus


This marks the 267th edition of the Quaz Q&A, and I have a few observations to share:

• 1. Journalists garner the most reads.

• 2. Actors garner the fewest reads.

• 3. Folks who work in various sex industries draw the most chatter.

I suppose none of this is particularly surprising. Writers like reading about other writers. There are about 50 million websites featuring profiles of actors and actresses. As for the sex industry, well … um … it’s fascinating. It’s unique. It’s both familiar and uncomfortable; titillating and distracting. Today’s Q&A marks my fourth interview with someone from the world of erotica, and it’s always (without fail) riveting.

Cathy Venus is not the real name of today’s Quazette. Away from her role as an erotic hypnotist, she’s a wife, a step-mother, a woman with a career in the music business. But here, off the beaten path, she works to master—in her words—”the mental arts with a sensual touch.”

One can follow Cathy on Twitter here, and visit her website here. She loves Bernie Sanders and Garfield, hates flying and chicken hearts and seems to have no opinion on the stylings of Karl-Anthony Towns.

Cathy Venus, you’re Quaz No. 267 …

JEFF PEARLMAN: You are an erotic hypnotist. Which means, specifically, what?

CATHY VENUS: The term erotic hypnotist means I am a practitioner of the mental arts with a sensual touch. I am additionally a Professional Dominant Goddess who specializes in the guidance of submissive subjects who wish to explore real change from within themselves.

J.P.: It seems like men are more sexually pathetic than women. We visit strip clubs, we read Playboy, we jerk off over 1,000,000 different websites. I hate how we’re wired—but it seems like the wiring is what it is. Agree with my take? Disagree? Why?

C.V.: I don’t think you should hate yourself. Men are the same as women. Men are actually just more vocal about their sexual frustrations perhaps. One thing I can tell you is, I have lots of online experience with men who long to be, or even pretend to be, women. And some of them are very feminine and quite convincing! There really is little difference.

J.P.: I would think for one to be hypnotized he/she would have to be in your presence, some trinket dangling, soft music, visual stimulation, etc. How can hypnosis work via phone?

C.V.: Trinket-dangling is mostly from the movies. Many everyday folks visit psychologists who perform hypnotherapy in 2016. This is hardly something strange or taboo anymore. In person is of course excellent, but phone or Skype sessions, as I do them, for the purposes they are done, can work effectively, yes. A subject can be affected by visual, auditory, as well as kinesthetic (physical) stimuli.


J.P.: How did this happen for you? What’s your life path? When did you first realize you could do hypnosis? Do you have a day job? Spouse? Kids?

C.V.: I always had the self-taught or natural ability for Hypnosis and NLP, however it took me a while to realize my potential and hone my talents. I learned by experimenting on those minds around me, using linguistics, pacing, and a few other techniques. My career path is private but I will volunteer that it’s within the arts, meaning music business as well as stage performance. I and married with two step kids.

J.P.: Your Twitter line is all about hypnosis—unless it’s about Bernie Sanders. Two questions: Along the lines of the ol’ “Republicans buy sneakers, too” Michael Jordan line, didn’t you worry about involving politics into your business profile? B. Now that Sanders is not in the running, can you support Clinton? Why, why not?

C.V.: Well, actually, I rarely post anything other than about my work but occasionally I may post about certain people I look up to. Politically yes, you are right, I did endorse Bernie Sanders, and no, I won’t be voting for Hillary, but will be supporting Jill Stein. I won’t support Hillary for many reasons, but the main explanation would be a lack of trust in her character, as well as her track record on certain issues important to me.

J.P.: What does a session with a client usually entail? How long does it last? What’s it supposed to accomplish?

C.V.: A Skype session with a client usually will be one hour long. It consist basically of some casual talk, followed by some mind-bending deep trance. I will take the subject on any journey I feel is needed to enhance their studies. Most subjects purchase my “studies” and allow themselves to go under while listening to my mp3 files. These files are necessary programming and allow me to take them deeper and further, as well as have the live sessions to be more effective.

J.P.: I once heard a hypnotist say something along the lines of, “I’m a guide, but I can’t change anything in you, or make you different.” Is that true? Or, in other words, what can a hypnotist do for a person? And how much of that is actually self-generated by the client?

C.V.: That of course depends on what techniques are being employed. Simple hypnosis can of course effect change if a subject allows it to happen. The subject must be a willing participant. That being said, I do have several clients who like to struggle and fight against what I do, but that is a certain fetish they have. They realize that the techniques of NLP and entrainment I use will take effect regardless of the conscious mind, or ego, and they like it. So the answer is, when it comes to what I do, yes, I can effect total change without the permission of the subject’s conscious mind.

J.P.: Best career story, worst career story?

C.V.: Worst is when I have stalkers who try all kinds of tricks to avoid paying me for my work. They always fail. Also I have had an instance where another Hypnodomme was jealous and curious about my work and why I was gaining such popularity and she actually made one of her clients book a session with me and record it to try to steal some of my stuff. Pathetic if you ask me. Of course I found out about it. I always do. No-one can hide anything from me. Best case is when a person who has psychological issues as well as a bad taste as well as a feeling of shame from previous hypnosis, and who now loves it and believes it to be a beneficial thing.

J.P.: What do your relatives think of this career choice? Do you talk about clients over, say, dinner? Is it hush-hush? Do your parents know? Care?

C.V.: My vocation as a Pro Domme and Erotic Hypnotist are private. I do confide in my husband about my work but that’s it.

J.P.: It seems like, in the online world of sexual stimulation, it’d be impossible to find footing. I mean, there are endless options for endless tastes, treatments, etc. So how does one separate herself? How do you stand out from the crowd?

C.V.: I decided in the beginning to stand apart, and stick to my guns with real and actual hypnosis. Every other hypnodomme is either a glorified phone-sexer, or has men writing for them. I knew that if I threw my name in with the rest I would end up being seen in the wrong light. What they do is fine, but it’s simply not what I do, nor is it even close. There are one or two Hypnodommes who are decent but even they still do audio-porn and sexual favors for clients. I don’t do that. To me there is a world of difference between D/s and eroticism, and flat out prostitution.

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• Rank in order (favorite to least): Garfield, Karl-Anthony Towns, granola cereal, The Bee-Gees, Gene Simmons, wood paneling, Penn State, wedding registries, Banana Republic, Aerosmith, strawberry milk: 1. Garfield. All is Garfield and Garfield is all.

• Best advice you ever received: Be yourself. I also love the litany against fear from Dune: “I must not fear, fear is the mind killer …”

• Ever thought you were about to die in a plane crash? If so, what do you recall?: Every time I get on a plane. You are in a small vessel in the middle of the vast sky and the only thing that keeps you from being swallowed up by it, is the wall of the plane. Flying always makes me ponder my own mortality and how fragile life really is. In May of this year, I was on a flight that had some bad turbulence. Due to storms, we had to be re-routed and land in a different airport. The lights went out and the plane shook so badly it made me bump into the guy sitting next to me. We hadn’t spoken the entire trip, strangers on a plane seldom do. He smiled with a look on his face that said “we’re probably going to do die so, hi”. We started talking after that. There’s no better icebreaker than the possibility of dying next to a stranger.

• Would you rather grow a second nose or spend 12-straight days licking the handlebars in New York City’s endless supply of subway cars?: 12 days licking the handlebars. I’m a big-picture thinker. Noses are forever.

• Three memories from your senior year of high school: 1. Getting suspended; 2. Being in a musical; 3. Rollerblading and listening to Weezer.

• Why the name “Cathy Mitsuko Venus”? I am Goddess Cathy, descended from the line of Ishtar aka Venus. The nickname I sometimes borrow, Mitsuko, is a Japanese name. It’s the name of a central female character of many of Sion Sono’s films. He’s my favorite filmmaker. I had the fortunate experience to meet him at the Toronto International Film Festival a couple of years ago.

• What’s the No. 1 thing people not understand about erotic hypnosis?: That it should not just be audio porn. A subject must be willing to truly be taken deep, rather than just “get off”. That’s not hypnosis. Many subjects prefer the fantasy of it, rather than actually be tranced. I prefer true subjects who want to explore their desires rather than just to get off in the moment. One bit of advice: don’t trust your mind to amateurs and charlatans, you are only harming yourself.

• What happens after we die?: I would never presume to know. I will have to get back to you on this one after I die. I will try my best to haunt you 😉 I just presumed to know that I would be able to haunt you by saying that. All humans are hypocrites.

• What’s the strangest food you’ve ever tried? And why did you try it?: A chicken heart. Because a bossy relative made me. It was disgusting!

This is my all-time favorite song. Thoughts?: I’m familiar with this song. It’s sad and beautiful.